Replace Brain Comic Strips - Page 7
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View 61 - 70 results for replace brain comic strips. Discover the best "Replace Brain" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dilbert walks through the house thinking, "Where's Dogbert?" Dilbert sits on the couch and turns the television on with the remote control. He thinks, "Uh-oh." On a tv commercial, Dogbert sits at a desk wearing a sorcerer's hat. Dogbert asks, "Are you gullible? Do you spend money on stupid stuff?" Dogbert continues, "Call the 'Dogbert Gullible Friends Hotline' for help. Only four dollars per minute." On tv, a woman says into a telephone, "Hello, Dogbert. I bought an exercise machine and I'm still lazy." Dogbert says, "Please hold." The woman replies, "Okay." Dogbert says, "Call now, and I'll replace your old television with a new one that looks just like it, while you sleep!" Dogbert continues, "If you don't have a touch tone phone, stay on the line . . . Until you get one."
Wally says to Dilbert, "The only employee suggestions that get accepted are the ones that are harmless and stupid." They sit down at a conference table and Wally continues, "I submitted some harmless and stupid ideas to test my theory." The Boss sits at his desk and reads a document that says, "Suggestion: Replace all #2 pencils with #4 pencils. The hard lead lasts longer yet costs the same." The Boss thinks, "That could work."
Dilbert and Dogbert walk down the sidewalk. Dogbert says, "People are getting stupider every day, relatively speaking." Dogbert continues, "The complexity of the world is increasing geometrically." Dogbert continues, "But your ability to learn is at the same slow trickle it has always been." Dogbert climbs onto a rock and continues, "Information is gushing toward your brain like a firehose aimed at a teacup." Dogbert stands on the rock and continues, "You're at a crossroads in history. Even the smartest among you has become 'functionally stupid.'" Dogbert continues, "Your only hope is to choose a leader whose vision can penetrate the thick fog of human incompetence." Dogbert raises his paws and shouts, "Dogbert for Supreme Ruler of Earth!!" Dilbert sits on a rock and asks, "Do you want my opinion?" Dogbert says, "What are the odds of that?"
Dilbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. Dilbert says, ". . . So the salesperson made an idiotic promise to our customer. Now it's MY job to fix it." Dogbert says, "The brain is an amazing thing." Dilbert asks, "Are you saying that if I use the untapped power of my brain, there's a solution?" Dogbert replies, "No, I'm saying my amazing brain filtered out your boring story so I could enjoy my walk."
Dilbert approaches the cave where the accounting department is located. He groans. Dilbert tells a troll, "I saved $500 in airfare by extending my business trip to Saturday." Dilbert asks, "Why won't you reimburse me for the Saturday hotel costs?" The troll replies, "Saturday was not a business-related activity." Dilbert says, "Hmm . . . Let me see if I understand this . . ." Dilbert continues, "It's NOT business-related to make sensible economic choices . . ." Dilbert continues, "But it IS business-related to waste money like an ugly, brain-dead troll . . ." Dilbert arrives at home with his arm in a sling and wearing disheveled clothes. He tells Dogbert, "Then he beat me up and took my lunch money." Dogbert asks, "Are you saying I can get free lunch money by beating you up?"
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "You'll head our technology alliance with a small Silicon Valley start-up." The Boss continues, "Their corporate culture is a bit different from ours. Try to be flexible." Dilbert and a man with a goatee and a ring through his head sit at a conference table. Dilbert opens his briefcase and says, "I've never seen a pierced brain before." The man puts his bare feet on the table and says, "I think I'll call you 'Mister Conservative.'"
Dilbert and an Elbonian man sit at a conference table. The Elbonian says, "Our Elbonian database product can replace every one of your current systems." Dilbert says, "No thanks." The Elbonian tells Alice, "It can do payroll, accounts receivable, inventory, sales . . ." Alice says, "No thanks." The Elbonian tells the Boss, "And I'll throw in some golf balls." The Boss replies, "It's a deal! Just toss them in the lake with all my other ones."
The Boss, Alice, Ratbert, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're going to replace our computer support systems with the Elbonian database product." The Boss gestures toward Ratbert and continues, "It's risky, but don't worry. I've hired an outrageously expensive consultant who has never done this before." Ratbert says to Wally, "I earned five hundred dollars just coming to this meeting. How's YOUR day going?" Wally replies, "It won't make my top ten."
Dilbert sits at a table with stacks of brochures in front of him. Dogbert stands on the table and says, "This is Marilyn Vos Savant, the smartest human alive." A woman stands behind Dogbert. Dogbert says, "She will help you understand your airline 'Often Flier' program." Marilyn looks at a brochure and says, "I'm stumped." Dilbert asks, "After this, could you tell me which phone company saves me the most money?" Marilyn replies, "My brain's trying to escape; you scared it." Her brain crawls out her ear.
The strip is titled, "Dogbert presents the life cycle of a business idea." The caption says, "The brain creates an idea." Asok, Wally, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. Asok dreams about a woman. The caption says, "The mouth - operating independently of the brain - creates words." Asok says, "Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams." The caption says, "The words are written on large paper." Dilbert writes, "Let's form synergy," on an easel pad. He thinks, "Idiot." The caption says, "The large paper is delivered to a bitter secretary." Dilbert hands Carol the paper and says, "Please?" Carol growls. The caption says, "The secretary types it." Carol types, "Let's . . . form . . . protein . . . symphony reactionary . . . teens." She thinks, "Close enough." The caption says, "The typed notes are delivered to the staff." Someone hands Wally a copy of the notes. He points to the wastebasket and says, "Drop it in the 'to do basket.'" The caption says, "Repeat." Asok sits at his desk dreaming about a woman.