Replace My Soul Comic Strips - Page 7
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"First I'll saw open your head. Then I'll replace your faulty brain with a fresh cauliflower." "How do I know you won't put me to sleep, eat the cauliflower and claim the operation worked?" "That reminds me: your insurance doesn't cover anesthesia."
"I feel an evil wind blowing my way." "My soul is filling with darkness...Suddenly I am cold, oh, so cold." Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Hello-o-o, Asok." "GAAA!!! What are you doing here?!!" "It's time for the annual Employee Satisfaction Survey." "Perhaps I overreacted. I don't see how this could possibly be bad." "It is evident from these questions that you care about my wellbeing!" "I love the part where they think I'm here to help." Purr Purr Two Weeks Later "They're delighted with their benefits. It looks like we can save some money there."
"Remember to include my name on the patent application." "Why? You didn't help." "That's ridiculous! I've been helping you design that thing for months!" "I saved all three of your e-mails. Allow me to read them." "'Dude, is something wrong with your brain?'" "Later: 'Hey, Dilweed, maybe you should replace the backplane with a gizmo.'" "Then my personal favorite: 'Dilbag, I'm glad you took my advice to leave the backplane alone.'" "That's my way of helping." "It's great. You should patent it."
"We're off to see the Wizard of Landfill. He'll give you some ambition and he'll show me how to get home." "Can we go too? I need experience...And he needs a brain, heart, soul, and a strategic vision." "No I don't. You're fired!" "And a job...I need a job."
"I gave Tom his two weeks' notice. You'll have to do his job until I replace him." "He's a bit disgruntled, but I'm sure he'll be a professional and train you before he leaves." "I was shocked and appalled to hear that you got fired." Grrr grrr "He isn't buying my fake sympathy." Grrr grrr "Sooo...How about a little training?" "Everything you need is in this irreplaceable binder." CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP "I probably won't get you a card."
"My project has been infected by attractive people." "As you know, attractive people are unproductive." "The problem is compounded when you put several of them in the same room." "They've already started to pair off." "I've got four love triangles and six divorces." "All of my status reports say, and I quote, 'Dude, I can't concentrate now.'" "My plan is to replace each attractive person with something like this, or this." "He thinks I'm productive."
The Boss: Wally, what are your goals for the coming year? Wally: My goal is to replace my soul with coffee and become immortal. The boss: I mean something about work. Wally: Oh, I thought you said MY goals."
Dogbert's speakers bureau "I booked you to do the keynote speech for a big company." "They need a speaker who is so boring and uninspiring that their CEO's humorous skit seems less soul-crushing." "How large is the audience?" "1,500 victims."