Seek Advice Comic Strips - Page 7
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Dogbert: "You can manipulate people by lying about what other people said." "If your victim goes to the source and discovers your treachery, say, of course he tells you that." Dilbert: "Your advice doesn't sound healthy." Dogbert: "That's not what the Mayo Clinic said."
doctor dogcart show dogbert: My next guest cis addicted yo plastic surgery. Ive always liked the whole dinosaur look, so I just went for it. do you have some plainspoken advice for me Shut up , freak
Alice: Gaaa!!! How could you do this without checking with me??!! My philosophy is that its better to seek forgiveness than to ask for permission. Dilbert: did he say you could rip out hi heart and sell it on the internet? Alice: Kinda.
Dilbert: I need clarification on my assignment. Dilbert: Should I use my own judgement and be forever damned if things go badly? Or should I sue your advice and invite certain calamity? the bossL both plans have good parts.
Dilbert: I have uncontrollable urges to show people better ways to do things. Do you think the real issue might be my insecurity? Therapist: Well, I wouldn't date you but thats mostly because of your looks. Dilbert: Not helping,
The Boss: Try working around the problem. Dilbert: "Thank you for that valuable advice. I had planned to stare at my screen until I starved to death." The boss: "Gather data before making a decision." Dilbert: "GAAA! I've been blinded by the obvious!"
Your cousin Lauren just got her degree in English. Can you give her some career advice? "Would you enjoy scratching out a meager living in a frustrating work environment?" "I've never thought about it." "Obviously."
"I wasn't getting any responses to my online resume until I inserted some key words." "I said I'm strangely attracted to older, chubby, married men with coffee-stained teeth." "That is wrong on so many levels." "Explain that to my six thousand job offers."
"The Weekly Wally Report is bristling with tales of success." "I gave worthless input to marketing because they weren't specific about what they wanted." "I missed Alice's project meeting because she never confirmed the location." "I gave harmful advice to the sales team because they rushed me." "I ignored my email for a week because you said to focus on priorities." "And I didn't submit my budget estimates because Asok never told me what format to ues." "How can you call any of that success??!!" "Well, I'd compare it to my written objectives, but you never gave me any."
The Boss: "Our company will be relocating to a high-crime area for tax reasons." "Our CEO says don't worry about your safety because your limo can pull right into the underground parking garage." "Then he added, "Or chain your bicycle to a wino. Whatever."