Solutions Not Problems Comic Strips - Page 7
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205 Results for Solutions Not Problems
View 61 - 70 results for solutions not problems comic strips. Discover the best "Solutions Not Problems" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday February 01,
2003
Tags saved money, hired guy, unlucky, many problems, ex boyfreind, sobers up
Transcript
The Boss introduces a new employee to Dilbert, "We saved money by hiring a guy who's had many personal problems." The Boss continues, "But we're sure he was just unlucky. No one would invite that many problems into his life." The new employee's cell phone rings. The new employee says into his cell phone, "Yes, of course your ex-boyfriend can stay with us until the choppers leave and he sobers up."
Wednesday March 05,
2003
Tags chronic lateness, repertoire, classic excuses, traffic, loserville, jinx
Transcript
Wally says to Dilbert, "I've decided to add chronic lateness to my repertoire." Wally continues, "I'll start with the classic excuses: car problems, traffic, and misplaced items. Then I'll branch out." Dilbert says, "You're the mayor of Loserville." Wally replies, "Don't jinx it."
Sunday May 04,
2003
Tags smarter not harder, important looking document, pretend to be angry, avoid people, more problems, shirt toothpaste color, smells minty
Transcript
Asok walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, can you teach me to work smarter, not harder?" Wally reaches for a stack of papers and says, "Grab an important-looking document and follow me." As they're walking, Wally says, "Walk briskly and pretend to be angry about what you're reading." Asok makes a mean face and says, "Grrrr." A co-worker approaches Wally and Asok and says, "Hey, Asok, would you help me...?" Wally and Asok both stare at their papers and say, "Grrrr." The co-worker continues, "Never mind." Wally says to Asok, "As a rule, people try to avoid anyone who has more problems than they do." Wally continues, "Lesson two: make sure your shirt and your toothpaste are the same color." Wally points to his shirt and says, "This baby is covered with toothpaste stains, but you'd never know it." Asok exclaims, "Wow!" Wally continues, "And how often do you need to launder a shirt that smells minty?" Asok exclaims, "Never!"
Tuesday July 15,
2003
Tags writing email, 12 page description, carpal tunnel issue, do work, self inflicted, chapter, email
Transcript
Tina is sitting at her computer. Dilbert approaches and asks, "Tina, would you...?" Tina interrupts him, "Hold on while I finish writing this e-mail." Tina says, "It's a twelve-page description of my carpal tunnel issue, and the fact that there's never enough time to do my work." Dilbert asks, "Are all of your problems self-inflicted?" Tina responds, "That's it! I'm adding a chapter about you. Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!"
Thursday July 17,
2003
Tags engineers, said to reporter, technology is purtrid, compensate, ignore complaints, witch hunt
Transcript
The Boss is holding a newspaper and looks panicked. He says to Catbert, "Look what one of our engineers said to a reporter!" Catbert reads, "Our technology is putrid, but we compensate by ignoring complaints." The Boss asks Catbert, "You know what would be more fun than fixing those problems?" Catbert exclaims, "Witch-hunt!!!"
Sunday August 17,
2003
Tags netwrok security, buggy, complicated, user guide, pure evil, tech support dept, chimp with typewriter, strategy, victims, hair quiver, consultants, paid by hour
Transcript
Dogbert Consults. DOgbert: "Your network-security product is buggy and complicated." "Your used guide is an inspired work of pure evil." "And your tech-support department is an inebriated chimpanzee with a typewriter." "One strategy would be to fix all of those problems." The Boss: "What's the other strategy?" Dogbert: "Sell consulting services to your victims... I mean customers!" The Boss: "I'm so happy, it's making my hair quiver!" "But what do we do when our consultants can't make our products work either?" Dogbert: "They're paid by the hour." The Boss: "QUIVER!!"
Sunday September 21,
2003
Tags nano bit project, Dilbert, take over, everyone busy, face in allaegators, one cracker a day, cracker time, quitting tomorrow, four problems
Transcript
Alice: "I don't have time to work on the nanobit project." The Boss: "No problem. Tell Dilbert I said he should take over." Two minutes later Dilbert: "I'm way, way too busy." The Boss: "Fine. Tell Wally to do it." Two minutes later. Wally: "I'm up to your face in alligators!" The Boss: "Okay, okay... hand it off to Asok." Two minutes later. Asok: "But already I only have time to eat one cracker a day." The Boss: "Tell Ted I said.." Ted: "Sure, I'll do it. No problem." Asok: "Mmm.. cracker time." Ted: "I'm quitting tomorrow." The Boss: "I solved four problems today!"
Saturday October 25,
2003
Tags alternative universes, Dilbert, therapy session, dense objects, space time fold, fabric, whats happening?
Transcript
Dilbert: All week I felt like I was driving through alternative universes I was me, But Was different. Therapist: Have you been near any dense objects that would make the fabric of space-time fold onto itself? ONE WEEK AGO The Boss: will there be any unforeseen problems? Dilbert: whats happening to me?
Saturday November 08,
2003
Tags nutty boss, halluciantions, sadistic nut, having problems, unhealthy boss
Transcript
The Boss: "I'm having problems at home, so I'll be taking it out on you today." "I'll begin by hallucinating that you said something bad. Then I'll yell at you for saying it." "I AM NOT A SADISTIC NUT!!!" Dilbert: "If I go to my cubicle, can you hallucinate that I'm here?"
Monday November 10,
2003
Tags ted, forward to ted, email, solved problems, project, being rude, remove from project
Transcript
Dilbert: Ted is being rude and helpful. Can you ask his boss to remove him from the project? The Boss: I'll forward this to Ted. That should help. Dilbert: I wonder how people solved problems before email.