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A man says to Dilbert and Wally, "Next week I'll be at my new job, reaping huge rewards." Wally replies, "We're so happy for you." The man says, "But I'll still have a little cubicle like yours." The man continues, "The only difference being that I'll keep a pony there. That way it's close to my office."
Tags #45 inch screen, #communications staellite, #cure disease, #fish appear on screen, #great products, #marketing, #new product, #room freshener, #telepathic user, #whiten teeth, #time travel, #business
How Great Products are designed The Boss: Go talk to marketing. Dilbert: Groan Dilbert: Dave, tell me what marketing wants the new product to do. Dave: It has to have a 45 inch screen and still fit in a purse or a wallet. Dave: It needs to act as a communications satellite as well as a room fresher. Dilbert: uh... Dave: it must cure deadly diseases and whoyten your teeth while you sleep! HAHA! and it has to be capable of time travel!! and have a telepathic user interface! Slap! Dilbert: I could write a program that makes fish appear on the computer screen, DAVE: yeah a lot of people want that.
Woman: Ive never minded putting makeup on, but its a real bother to take it off. Dilbert: That seems like a lot of work, I must admit. But I still think its better to remove the old stiff. Woman: Its only a problem at the bowling alley.
The Boss: Take care of this immediately. It's your top priority. Dilbert: Top Priority?? This is dated last month, Its been on your desk for weeks and now its your top priority?? The Boss: I said its your top priority. I still don't care about it, Dilbert: well...okay the,
Wally: Can we cut this short? Id like to get back to the information superhighway. The Boss: Sure. Im glad we connected you all to the internet so you can share ideas with colleagues. Wally: yeah, thats right, I want to go share ideas with my colleagues. Dilbert: Do people really share ideas with colleagues? Wally: If I get an idea, Im not sharing. Wally: I think I'll channel over to the internet chat area and flirt with college women. Dilbert: Im still reading through five megs of blonde jokes. Dilbert: I wonder if Al Gore has any idea.... Al Gore: Hey Tipper, heres another good one! hee hee!
"Wally, you're invited to a 'Still Single' shower in my honor." "I'm trying to recoup all the money I've blown on wedding gifts and baby showers." "Someone's feeling a little bitter today." "I have a pattern registered at 'Electron Hut'."
Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "I just lost the subtle mental connection between my performance and my salary." Dilbert continues thinking, "I get paid the same no matter what I do. I can stand here and flick my fingers and still get paid." As he flicks his fingers, Dilbert says to Alice and Wally, "Do you realize what this means??!" Wally says, "Hey! You're getting paid for that!"
The Boss stands in front of Dilbert who is seated at his desk. The Boss hands Dilbert a document and says, "I ranked all of your assignments by priority so you won't waste time on unimportant stuff." Dilbert reads the document and says, "Everything is an 'A' priority except for 'Personal life.'" Dilbert says, "this helps a lot." The Boss says, "I'm still working on the list of 'Must do' 'B' priorities."