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Dilbert sits in his chair reading a magazine. Ratbert stands on the hassock with a leash around his neck and says, "It's time to walk the rat!" Dilbert rolls up the magazine and says, "You're confusing yourself with a dog. The proper way to exercise a rat is to strike it repeatedly with a rolled-up magazine." The caption says, "Should Ratbert be spared? Send your vote by e-mail to: email@example.com." Dilbert holds the rolled-up magazine over Ratbert's head.
The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "I found a seminar that will teach fire-walking as a way to build confidence." The Boss continues, "Each of you will have to walk barefoot over burning coals while I watch!" Dilbert asks, "But amazingly, we learn how to do it without injury, right?" The Boss replies, "No, that seminar costs a lot more."
Carol: I sit innocently in my low-wall clerical style cubicle. Man: One copy, no staple. Carol: Men with Ivy-league degrees walk past the copier and ask me to make copies. I am a secretary with a crossbow.
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss hands around a box of donuts and says, "One of these donuts contains a memo which fires the recipient." The Boss continues, "This seemed like the most humane way to reduce headcount." As they walk out of the conference room, Dilbert says, "How was your donut?" Wally replies, "The first two were great. The third was papery."
The Boss sits at a conference table with Wally and Dilbert. The Boss says, "Maybe we could form a vision statement of our concepts for requirements." Wally says, "Or maybe we can bound our strawman by the mission-critical functions of our quality vector!" As they walk away, Dilbert says to Wally, "You're shameless." Wally responds, "There's a fine line between participation and mockery."
The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We've been having a problem with black-outs. The office lights are controlled by motion detectors." A man stands next to the Boss flapping his arms. The Boss continues, "I hired a temp to walk around and flap his arms so the lights won't go off." Dilbert and Wally watch the temp flap his arms. Dilbert says, "Another Journalism major enters the workforce." Wally says, "It seems like a waste. Maybe he could fan us."
Tags #chocolate cake, #engineer, #railroad, #big corproation, #fix typrwriters, #debugged tcp, #driver aplication, #isdn bonding, #cuts down to size, #dilmom, #cake to packing foam, #insulted cake, #engineering
Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a couch. Dilbert's mom hands him a plate and says, "Here's some nice chocolate cake for you and Dogbert." Dilbert says, "Thank, Mom." Dogbert also says, "Thanks, Mom." Dilbert's mother says, "Tell me all about your job at the railroad." Dilbert replies, "It's not a railroad. I'm an engineer at a big corporation." Dilbert's mom asks, "Do you fix the typewriters when they break?" Dilbert replies, "No . . . Today I debugged a TCP/IP driver for an application that runs over ISDN with bonding." Dilbert's mom asks, "You mean, all you do is slap a BRI analyzer on a circuit and look for bad packets?" Dilbert says, "Well . . . Yeah. But it's really hard." Dilbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. Dilbert says, "I was doing okay until she offered to pay my tuition to typewriter repair school." Dogbert says, "You shouldn't have compared her cake to packing foam."
The Boss hands Dilbert a sheet of paper and says, "From now on, salaries will be based on your predicted success, not your past performance." While Dilbert reads the report, the Boss says, "We ran a computer model against your education and DNA information. We predict you'll die in a stapler mishap within a week." Dilbert asks, "What if I disagree with this prediction?" The Boss points at Dilbert and says, "Write up your opinion and staple it to the analysis."
Dilbert sits on the couch reading a magazine with his feet on the coffee table. Dogbert and Ratbert stand on the table. Dogbert says, "We're going downtown to play 'security guards in space.'" Dilbert says, "I don't want to know." Dogbert and Ratbert walk down the sidewalk pulling a lunch box shaped like a space rocket. Ratbert says, "Let's try that building." The security guard says to Dogbert, "I'll need to see your I.D. badge, sir." Dogbert shows him something and says, "Look fast!! There it is!! Not a pack of matches!!" The security guard says, "Okay." The guard says, "I'll have to search your lunch box." The guard looks inside the rocket and says, "It's just a bunch of wires and gizmos." Dogbert says, "You're making me SO hungry." Dogbert asks, "Could you watch my lunch while I take the cart back to my car?" The guard sits on the rocket. Dogbert tells Ratbert, "I feel bad, but it's the only way to test if space travel is safe for us animals." Ratbert says, "I feel safer already "
The Boss and a woman walk by Dilbert's cubicle holding folders. Leaning back in his chair to look out of the cubicle, Dilbert thinks, "Uh-Oh . . . the managers are going to another closed-door meeting." Dilbert thinks, "It must be about pay cuts or layoffs. I'm doomed. I'd better work on my resume NOW." He pulls nervously at his tie, his hair stands on end and beads of sweat fly from his forehead. The Boss sits around a conference table with three other managers. Reading from a document, he says, "Okay, so far our 'leadership vision' says 'we inspire employees to action.' Does anybody have upgrades?" Another man responds, "Nah."