20 % Staff Comic Strips - Page 7

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167 Results for 20 % Staff

View 61 - 70 results for 20 % staff comic strips. Discover the best "20 % Staff" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2005's comic on:


Tags #20 % staff, #failing perfromance, #required, #muscles, #money hurlage, #metting, #denounce employees, #criticize

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"The company requires me to give failing performance reviews to 20% of my staff." "There are four of you, so that works out to...80% of a person." "Wally, your calf muscles and ankles are performing well, but the rest of you is monkey hurlage."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2005's comic on:


Tags #leadership succession plan, #freeze hiring, #staff, #pormotion, #bad idea

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Catbert: "You have to have a leadership succession plan." "There's a freeze on hiring, so you'll have to pick someone from your staff." Alice: "So, if something horrible happened to you, I'd get a promotion?" The boss: "This was a bad idea."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2005's comic on:


Tags #five star restaurant, #lunch, #food so good, #once in a lifetime, #not invited, #stay back, #answer phones

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The Boss: "Carol, I decided to take the entire staff out to a five-star restaurant for lunch." "The food is so good that it's almost intoxicating. When paired with the right wine, the experience is a once-in-a-life-time sensation." "While we're gone, you'll need to answer everyone's phone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2005's comic on:


Tags #no budget, #no staff, #wits and computer, #wits, #pencil

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Dilbert: "I might have no budget and no staff to help me on my project, but that doesn't matter." "Because all I need are my wits and my computer." The Boss: "My computer is too slow. I'm taking yours." Dilbert: "My wits and... this pencil." The boss: "Hey, isn't that my pencil?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2005's comic on:


Tags #project caribou, #new chip, #prorc, #muskrat project, #project meerkat, #names of projects, #too similar

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"We need more staff for prject Cribou.' "No. You're thinking of project Caribbean." "Caribou is like project muskrat but with lower P.R.O.R.C." "P.R.O.R.C?" "Projected return on research capital." "Is muskrat the enterprise software project?" "Um... No... That would be project muskrat." "Cancel project musk ox, move the staff over to project zebra, delay panda and sdquirrel and give me a status report on probosics monkey." "We don't have any projects with those names." "How's that my fault?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2005's comic on:


Tags #raises, #salary band, #205 higher, #raises capped, #supervisor

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The Boss: "I'd like to promote you, but the lowest salary band for the next level is 20% higher than your current pay." "Raises are capped at 5%, so there's no way to give you the promotion." "So I plan to hire someone from the outside that you can train to be your supervisor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 2004's comic on:


Tags #vendor, #reorganization, #staff

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"How could you tell a vendor about out reorganization before you tell your own staff?" "Scoot." "Come into my office and we can discuss it." "Gaaaa!!! It's a trick. "C'mon phone, ring!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2004's comic on:


Tags #no vacation, #inability to plan, #contact wedding guets, #arranged marriage cancelled, #project finished

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There will be no vacations until the project is finished. "It feels as if I am being punished for your inability to properly plan and staff." "I will contact my 800 wedding guests and tell them that my arranged marriage is cancelled." "Thanks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2004's comic on:


Tags #berating, #humilation, #importance of work, #making sound rate products, #motivate staff, #no prasie, #no raises, #threats belittling, #trophy wives

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The boss; I need help motivating the staff. Catbert: what have you already tried? The Boss: Threats, belittling, humiliation, empty promises, berating, slogans , posters and bullying. Catbert: hmmm...we can't praise them or they'd as for raises. Catbert: Maybe they can be motivated by the importance of their work. The boss: their work is making second rate products to sell to idiots so our executives can afford trophy wives. Catbert: have you tried yelling until your face turns purple? The boss> make three copies, please!!!! Carol: This is new.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2004's comic on:


Tags #pantless prima donna, #alert patent offcie, #hardware, #computer, #technology

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"Pantless prima donna" "May I ask you a question?" "Silence, fool!" "Alert the patent office that I am about to begin. They might want to increase staff." "Maybe you should turn on your computer." "I don't do hardware."