Tina: Do you know why my keyboard has gravy all over it?
Dilbert: Oh, sorry, my phone rang while I was eating at my desk and I didn't have a napkin so I used your keyboard.
Tina: I... Don't even know how to respond to that.
Wally: Phew! That's what I was hoping.
Boss: We have two people named Tina at this meeting. To avoid any confusion, I will be assigning them nicknames. Carol: Who did that to you? Boss: Big Tina.
Boss: Hackers got our customer data. Write a press release saying we are sorry and it will never happen again. Tina: Is any of that true? Boss: Part of it is. Tina: Which part. Boss: Hackers got our customer data.
The Boss: Dilbert, I need you to wear this harazzmat suit when you meet with Tina.
Tina will also be wearing a harazmatt suit.
The suits will prevent you from trying to harass each other.
You won't be able to speak directly.
A radio inside the suit will transmit your words to our human resources department.
Human resources will scrub your sentences of any inappropriate content before delivery.
Dilbert: Doyon wear a harrazzmat suit when you talk to Tina privately?
The Boss: No, but she wears three of them.
Tina: People keep telling me you refuse to admit when you are wrong.
Dilbert: It only looks that way because Im right most off the time and people are too dumb to know it.
Tina: wow! They're right about you being a narcissist, too.
Dilbert: I refuse to admit I'm wrong about this.
Tina: Wally, do you have goals? Wally: My goal is to be an Olympic pole vaulter. Tina: You don't look... Wally: Sporty? Tina: I was going to say healthy. Wally: That's why Olympic pole vaulting is my goal> I wouldn't need a goal to do something easy. Tina: Are you training for it? Wally: No. Tina: You're living in a fantasy world! You'll never get to the Olympics! I can't sit here and listen to this. Dilbert: Looks like you accomplished your goal. Wally: Thanks for noticing.
Tina: Now that everyone knows you are a liar, everything you say sounds like a lie. Dilbert: You starting assumption is wrong. I didn't lie about anything. Tina: That's exactly what liars say. Dilbert: Excuse me while I bang my head on this table until I pass out.
Tina: Is there any kind of whistleblower protection at this company? Boss: Yes, management is protected against whistleblowers like you. Tina: Are you going to fire me? Boss: No, no, no. I'll just make you want to quit.
Tina: I complained about my boss two months ago. Has Human Resources done anything about it? Catbert: Lots of confidential things are happening behind the scenes. Tina: For example? Catbert: For example, we talked about how much of a whiner you are.
Tina: Have you done anything to address my complaints about management? Catbert: I can't tell you about any confidential conversations I have with management. Tina: So... should I just hope for the best? Catbert: That sounds like a solid plan.
