Avoid Ansering Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

113 Results for Avoid Ansering

View 61 - 70 results for avoid ansering comic strips. Discover the best "Avoid Ansering" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #amorphous cloud of gas, #once human, #avoid commitment, #molecules stop binding, #subtle odor, #copier room, #micromanage, #input

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "We can't move forward until you get input from Allen." The Boss says, "And that won't be easy. Allen is an amorphous cloud of gas." The Boss says, "He once was human like us." The Boss says, "Allen was afraid to give his opinion or make a decision." The Boss says, "He put so much effort into avoiding commitment that his molecules stopped binding together." The Boss says, "Now he exists as nothing but a subtle odor near the copier room." Dilbert says, "How can I get his input?" The Boss says, "Don't make me micromanage you." Dilbert says, "Allen? Is that you?" Wally says, "Sorry."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health problems, #absenteeism, #raise, #avoid exercise

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "Health problems and absenteeism are a huge cost to this business." The Boss says, "So?" Wally says, "So give me a raise, or I'll eat unhealthy food and avoid all forms of exercise." The Boss says, "You already do those things." Wally says, "How could you possibly know that?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #abe lincoln, #avoid comparisons, #fords theater, #media trainer, #sandwhich, #company future

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the Media Trainer Dogbert: Carefully choose your words when talking about the company's future. For example, avoid comparisons to Abe Lincoln at Ford's Theatre, 'Circling the drain,' and anything involving flies."And never, ever refer to the company as any kind of sandwich you wouldn't want to eat." CEO: That's my favorite one!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #avoid facts, #cubicle, #paid commissions, #sales engineer, #truth, #sales rep

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I'm making you a sales engineer. You'll be paid on commission." "When our sales reps lie, it will be your job to make it look like the truth." "Try to avoid facts."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"There's one thing you should know..." "Whoa, whoa, Asok!" "What?" "Never tell him anything when he's distracted." "He won't remember what you say. Later he'll blame you for not telling him." "Also avoid telling him anything when he's angry, late, or busy." "And don't tell him anything when he's tense or hungry." "That doesn't leave much." "I usually wait for a yawn." Yawn! "My project is behind schedule because the vendor lied!!!" "The next one is all yours."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #shoddy mistakes, #meeting, #avoid mistakes, #documented process, #keep hearing, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "In order to avoid shoddy mistakes, everything we do from now on will be part of a documented process." Wally: "What documented process did you use to decide what documented process to use?" wally: "Or is this one of those shoddy mistakes I keep hearing about?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #have plan, #division perfromance, #worst division, #average performance, #merge

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: I have a plan to avoid paying division performance bonuses. I'll merge our group with the worst division so our average performance is lower. her- hee! I should be eay because every division manager is already begging to merge with me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trick, #paper, #look busy, #paper trick, #hallways, #wander, #office, #appearences, #rest, #avoid work

View Transcript

Transcript

"It looks like an ordinary piece of paper, but I added this finger holder." "Now when I wander the hallways looking busy I can totally rest my hand." "Working hard?" "Not any more!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #make changes, #skills database, #know as guy, #avoid work, #too much work

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: "Wally, can you show me how to make changes to the skills database?" Wally: "I can't risk being known as the guy who knows how to edit the database." Tina: "Because?" Wally: "I barely have time to avoid the work I already have."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #smarter not harder, #important looking document, #pretend to be angry, #avoid people, #more problems, #shirt toothpaste color, #smells minty

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, can you teach me to work smarter, not harder?" Wally reaches for a stack of papers and says, "Grab an important-looking document and follow me." As they're walking, Wally says, "Walk briskly and pretend to be angry about what you're reading." Asok makes a mean face and says, "Grrrr." A co-worker approaches Wally and Asok and says, "Hey, Asok, would you help me...?" Wally and Asok both stare at their papers and say, "Grrrr." The co-worker continues, "Never mind." Wally says to Asok, "As a rule, people try to avoid anyone who has more problems than they do." Wally continues, "Lesson two: make sure your shirt and your toothpaste are the same color." Wally points to his shirt and says, "This baby is covered with toothpaste stains, but you'd never know it." Asok exclaims, "Wow!" Wally continues, "And how often do you need to launder a shirt that smells minty?" Asok exclaims, "Never!"