Computer Help Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Computer Help

View 61 - 70 results for computer help comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Help" comics from Dilbert.com.

Social Media Ads To Influence

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Social Media Ads To Influence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, brain-reading, computer, social media, profile, friends, testing, influence, cyborg, ridiculous, phone

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My brain-reading computer is checking your social media profile and finding your friends. I am now testing social media posts to see which ones influence them to recommend that to you date a cyborg. Woman: That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever. Dilbert: check your phone.

Resistance Is Futile

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Resistance Is Futile - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, invention, thoughts, computer, commands, individual, part, collective, internet, sexy, resistance, futile

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My invention can read my thoughts and turn them into computer commands. I'm no longer an individual. Now I'm part of the collective internet mind. Woman: That is the least sexy thing I have ever heard. Dilbert:

Device Can Read Minds

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Device Can Read Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, device, read, thoughts, turn, computer, commands, theories, engineer, engineering, invention, nothing, broken

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented a device that can read your thoughts and turn them into computer commands. The Boss: Nothing is happening. Is it broken? Dilbert: That's one of my top two theories.

Radical Candor

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Radical Candor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, management, radical condor, time, computer

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I've decided to adopt a hot new management trend called, "Radical Condor." The trick is to be direct yet kind at the same time. Dilbert: What were you doing before? The Boss: Let's not get into that.

Looking In The Wrong Places

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Looking In The Wrong Places - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, couch, co-worker, wimp, empathy, wrong, places

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I offered to help a co-worker, and she started delegating tasks to me like I'm her subordinate. Dogbert: Is the point of your boring story that your co-worker is a natural leader and you're a wimp. Dilbert: I was looking for some empathy. Dogbert: Is your point that you look for things in the wrong places?

How Dilbert Can Help

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How Dilbert Can Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, project, criticism, option, boss, worthless

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: How can I help you on your project? Woman Employee: I'll send you my files and you can do all of my work while I criticize you behind your back. Dilbert: Is there another option? Woman Employee: Yes, it' involves telling your boss you're worthless.

Dilbert Offers To Help

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Offers To Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, help, project, sucker, woman employee

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our pointy-haired boss asked me to help you on your project. Woman Employee: Yes!! My dream of getting paid while other people do my work is becoming a reality! Dilbert: I might have played this wrong. Woman employee: Sucker!

New Military Project

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
New Military Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags name, weapon, semantics, language

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: My staff is threatening to quit because of our military contracts. CEO: Tell them we only work on defensive weapons. Boss: It might help if we changed the project name from "City-killing Laser In Space." CEO: How about "Skylight?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags manipulation, fear, tactic, ignorance, jargon, language

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!

Facial Recognition Software

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Facial Recognition Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags facial recognition, stupid, insult, obliviousness, prototype, intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm designing a device that uses facial recognition to detect stupidity. I need your help creating the pattern-recognition algorithm. Boss: What do you need me to do? Dilbert: Look straight ahead and smile.