Computer Software Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

870 Results for Computer Software

View 61 - 70 results for computer software comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Software" comics from Dilbert.com.

Software Is Never Finished

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Software Is Never Finished  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, deadline, guidance, lying

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Is the software finished? Dilbert: Software is never finished. Boss: Did you fix all of the bugs? Dilbert: There's no way to know. Boss: I can't manage you if you don't learn to lie. Dilbert: Okay, the software will be perfect in 2.3 days.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, work ethic, excuses, motivation, projects

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to add a feature to the software. Wally: That would be outside the scope of the project. Boss: Yes, but I'm your boss and I'm telling you to do it. Wally: You also told me to only do the things that are documented on the project specs. Boss: Okay, just change the documentation and then do it. Wally: If I do that, the project will be late and over budget. Boss: How many excuses do you have for not doing work? Wally: I'm just getting started. This feature will never work with the others.

No Dumb Questions

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Dumb Questions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags question, answer, binary, coding, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I have a dumb question. Dilbert: There are no dumb questions. Boss: When you delete software, where do all the zeroes and ones go? Dilbert: I stand corrected.

Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags reality, simulation, aliens, alternate universe, perception

View Transcript

Transcript

News: Scientists confirmed that our reality is actually a software simulation created by an advanced civilization. Dilbert: That makes no sense unless the advanced civilization is a bunch of psychopaths who like to see us suffer. Catbert1: One of the idiots in our simulation is insulting us. Catbert2: I'm going to break his phone screen.

Make It Hard To Uninstall

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Make It Hard To Uninstall - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer service, business strategy, sales, deception, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Don't focus so much on making the software do what our customers want it to do. Just make it hard for users to uninstall it. Dilbert: Why would they buy it in the first place? Boss: A big part of our strategy involves lying.

Adding A Feature

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Adding A Feature - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, design, changes, planning, managers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Add this feature to the software. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Why didn't you ask for this weeks ago when it would have been easy???? Boss: This is nothing. Wait until you see the feature I ask for next week.

Internal Rules Versus Good Code

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Internal Rules Versus Good Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, coding, engineers, logic, corporate, bureaucracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!

Ted Promoted To Software Architect

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Promoted To Software Architect - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags manager, Promotion, intelligence, logic, obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I promoted Ted to software architect because he doesn't know how to code. At first I thought it was a bad idea. Then I remembered that sometimes monkeys are astronauts. Dilbert: You know the monkeys don't fly the rocket, right? Boss: And Ted won't be writing code.

Do Whatever The Data Says

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Do Whatever The Data Says - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags study, analysis, decision, conclusions, bias, science

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to do a financial analysis on upgrading our customer tracking software. Dilbert: What conclusion do you want me to reach? Boss: We'll do whatever the data says. Dilbert: Which is...? Boss: I already bought the upgrade.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, laziness, group project

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'd like to thank each member of the product team for the successful launch. Dilbert wrote the software. Alice designed the hardware. And Wally... um... Wally: Attended most of the meetings. Boss: That's all you did? Wally: I also played devil's advocate. Dilbert: You didn't say a word during our meetings for seven months. Wally: That's because you were doing everything right. Boss: Did you really do nothing for seven months? Wally: This is one of those "less is more" situations.