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Tags #eagles can't fly
"Wally, the status report that you e-mailed me is blank." "That;s because eagles can't type." "What?" "The motivational poster in the break says I should be like an eagle." "The point of that poster is that your spirit should soar like an eagle while you continue to do mundane work." "Wouldn't I die if my spirit left my body to go soar?" "You're confusing your spirit with your soul." "While your spirit is soaring, your sould should remain, trapped in your body, slowly decaying while you create your status report." "Would it change anything if I got a poster that says "you want it when?!!""
Dilbert: How can I create a marketing campaign if my boss doesn't give me any resources? Dogbert: "Try giving free samples to people who look like celebrities." Dilbert: "And you would be?" TRUMP: "Donald trump. Give me some free stuff."
Wally: I need a nickname to create the illutsion of competence.<Br>"I was thinking along the lines of "the wizard" or "info-guru."" I've never wanted to punch you more than at this very moment."
Dogbert: I'm creating software that will help small investors pick stocks. "It combines past trends that are not indicative of the future with the user's hubris and ignorance." "Now all I need are testimonials from people whose results are not typical!" Dilbert: "So it works?"
"I have a job interview. Wish me luck." "No." "If you get extra luck then there might be less available for me." "I don't think it works that way." "I can't take that chance." "Tell me, Dilbert, who would you consider your hero?" "Albert Einstein." "That should be safe." "Oh, really? He was an outspoken critic of war. We design missle guidance systems." "How about Jeffrey Dahmer? No?" "I won the lottery!"
The Boss: "Now what?" Dilbert: "Create a password that's at least six characters long with a mix of letters and numbers." "How about 123?" Dilbert: "Uh, no." Dilbert: "It has to include letters and be at least six characters long." "How about ABC?" Dilbert: "Letters AND numbers and at least six characters LONG!" The Boss: "Foursome?" Dilbert: "GAAA!"
Pantless prima donna I demand an assistant to document my miracles. That which I touch will be tagged for the smith Usonian, That which I create will be framed for the louver. Asok: really? and exciting assignment? what is it?
DOGBERT CONSULTS Dogbert: "To survive, you must create disruptive innovations that redefine the market." wally: "Does that mean the same thing as 'sell things people want'?" Dogbert: "There's one big difference." wally: "You only get paid if you say it in a funny way?" dogcart: "I like to think disruptively innovative."
"Dogbert Consults." Dogbert: "Your company has become synonymous with incompetence and crime." "Stop trying to be all things to all people. Focus on either the incompetence OR the crime." "For your new logo, I used computer graphics to create a composite face that looks totally incompetent." "Wow."
Dogbert: "You need to change the company's name to create the illusion of progress." "The name should be hi-tech sounding with a hint of onomatopoeia that signals your total lack of awareness." "Maybe something like 'Duhflushtech, inc.'" "I like it!"