Defected Worker Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

177 Results for Defected Worker

View 61 - 70 results for defected worker comic strips. Discover the best "Defected Worker" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2009's comic on:


Tags #worker, #deception, #lying

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new director of marketecture." The boss says, "He's in charge of preventing customers from realizing what they're buying." the boss says, "It's legal because we're only violating the intent of the law." man says, "I can do a thousand push-ups when no one is looking."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2008's comic on:


Tags #moral compass, #healed, #position of power, #narrow gap, #executive pay, #worker pay

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "My moral compass has healed. Can I keep my new job in management?" Dilbert says, "I'd like to use my position of power to narrow the gap between executive and worker pay."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2008's comic on:


Tags #cubicle, #envious, #two monitors, #one monitor, #twice the work

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: You let Dilbert have two flat screen monitors in his cubicle. Alice: I'm not the least bit envious, but I should point out that a worker with two monitors should be able to do twice as much work. Alice: Did you know there are some advantages to having only one monitor?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2008's comic on:


Tags #servers, #electricity, #virtualize, #trade journal, #software, #over shoulder, #computer, #boss, #worker, #technology, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Our servers are using too much electricity. We need to virtualize. I did my part by reading about virtualization in a trade journal. Now you do the software part. Why is your part taking so long?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2008's comic on:


Tags #co worker, #tired, #dead, #died, #afterlife, #zombie, #alive again, #pictures in heaven, #eyes closed

View Transcript

Transcript

Topper Dilbert: I didn't get much sleep last night. Ted: That's nothing. I haven't slept in a month. Dilbert: Wouldn't that kill you? Ted: It did, but that's nothing. I spent a week in the afterlife, then I returned to this world as a zombie. I taught myself homeopathy and discovered a cure for zombies. Now I'm alive again. Please be done...Please be done...Please be done... I took pictures of heaven. Alice: Gaaa!!!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2008's comic on:


Tags #traffic, #work, #co worker, #shopping, #week, #attractive nuisance

View Transcript

Transcript

secretary: Wally, did you finish the traffic estimates?" Wally: I didn't have time. I spent all week shopping on the company's online supply ordering site. Hey, you can't blame the guy who just uses the attractive nuisance.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2007's comic on:


Tags #hate holidays, #day before holoday, #stop working, #cheapens work, #year round, #mean spirited, #bitter worker, #hyprocrit

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I hate it when people stop working because it's the day before a holiday. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" Wally: "It cheapens the lack of work that I cultivate year-round." Asok: "I saw the funniest video clip!" Wally: "Tourist!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2007's comic on:


Tags #boss, #worker, #office, #wrong path, #precise verbal explanation, #embarrassment of undoing, #good plan, #progress, #mistreatment of workers, #corrupt policices, #bad boss

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Dilbert, I need you to do something, but I don't have time to fully explain it." "I'll give you just enough information to send you down the wrong path." "Later, after you do it wrong. I'll treat you like you're some sort of idiot." "Then I'll put you through the embarrassment of undoing everything you did." "This might not sound like a good plan to you." "But it takes the task off of my plate and puts it on yours." "That's called progress." Dilbert: "Today I helped make progress." Garbageman: "Better luck tomorrow."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2007's comic on:


Tags #marginally useful things, #ageeing, #say it a certain way, #tone, #beat up, #ripped shirt, #anger, #repesct, #high strung, #co worker

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: "You should check with Ted to see if he knows about this sort of thing." Dilbert: "I'll add that to my list of marginally useful things that other people have suggested I do." Dilbert: "Apparently, agreeing isn't enough. You also need to say it a certain way."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2007's comic on:


Tags #powerpoint presentation, #confused jumble, #information, #winos spittle, #unsupported conclusions

View Transcript

Transcript

CO Worker: "Did you look at my powerpoint presentation?" Dilbert: "Yes, it's a confused jumble of useless information with a wino's spittle of unsupported conclusions." Coworker: "Wino's spittle?" Dilbert: "You heard me."