Don't Shoot Messenger Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Don't Shoot Messenger

View 61 - 70 results for don't shoot messenger comic strips. Discover the best "Don't Shoot Messenger" comics from Dilbert.com.

Cushion In Schedule

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cushion In Schedule - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, weekend, work, deadline, due date, schedule, input, critical, liar, credibility, exaggerate

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i worked all weekend to get this done for you by the deadline. boss: thanks, but i won't need it for another two weeks. dilbert: then...why did you tell me the deadline was today? boss: i built some cushion into the schedule. dilbert: you mean, you lied to me about the real deadline. in other words, you don't trust me, you are a liar, and i should never believe you again. boss: but you didn't miss the deadline! dilbert: okay, well, at least my input is critical to our success. boss: i might have exaggerated that.

Wally Hates His App

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Hates His App - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, application, stop, fix, hate, developers, need, problem solving

View Transcript

Transcript

wally speaking in meeting: i spent all week trying to sign into an app that stopped working for some reason. boss: but you got it to work in the end? wally: no, all i did was learn to hate the developers. boss: how do you plan to solve that? wally drinking coffee: i don't need to. it isn't an app i need.

Boss Bluffs On Blockchain

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Bluffs On Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, blockchain, byte, code, consensus, bluff

View Transcript

Transcript

boss in meeting: i'm no expert on blockchain, but i think... we need to get the evm stack on the bytecode so we don't run into a consensus fork. boss to ted: did that mean anything? ted: don't ask me. i'm bluffing too.

Boss Ear Piece

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Ear Piece - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags answers, blockchain, business, ear piece, evil, ignorance, managers & supervisors, smart, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: later i have a meeting about blockchain and i don't understand anything about it. i'll be wearing this earpiece, and i want you to feed me smart lines. dilbert at home talking to dogbert: do you want to do something evil? dogbert: say no more. give me that.

A Feeling You Are Doing It Wrong

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
A Feeling You Are Doing It Wrong  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, correct, friends, mistakes, sarcasm, technology, watch, wrong

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i have a feeling you are doing something wrong, but i don't know what. do you mind if i watch over your shoulder and look for mistakes as you make them? coworker: you don't have friends, do you? dilbert: i like to travel light.

Nothing Is Totally Safe

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Nothing Is Totally Safe - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, health & safety, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology, test, reality, blame, face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: have you tested everything to make sure it is 100% safe? dilbert: nothing is 100% safe. we don't live in that kind of reality. but i'll bet you want me to say it anyway. boss: it's more about the blame later.

Hand Sanitizer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hand Sanitizer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, business, hand sanitizer, addicted, overuse, face mask, covid-19, pandemic

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i'm getting addicted to hand sanitizer. it started with my hands, but over time, i extended it up to my forearms, then behind my ears, and it just kept going. dilbert: want a squirt? alice: i don't know where that thing has been.

Quarantine Wally

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Quarantine Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags avoid, business, clean, covid-19, hazmat suit, health & safety, quarantine, symptoms, wash, pandemic

View Transcript

Transcript

man in hazmat suit: you reported covid-19 symptoms, so we have to quarantine you. wally: i don't have symptoms. i just said i did to avoid a meeting. man in hazmat suit: well, you probably have it now. i haven't washed this hazmat suit in five months.

Protesters Surround Building

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Protesters Surround Building - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags face mask, fire, lobby, managers & supervisors, office building, protest, protesters, sign, support, business

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert and boss looking out office window. dilbert: protesters have surrounded our building. boss: don't worry. i put a supportive sign in the lobby so they'll know we are on their side. dilbert: update: our nine lower floors are on fire. boss: maybe i should have used a bigger sign.

Asok Is Overpaid

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Is Overpaid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, project, technology, time, pay, argue, math, face mask, salary

View Transcript

Transcript

asok: i finished my project in half the projected time. boss: that means i'm paying you twice as much as you deserve. asok: i don't think it means that at all. boss: you look dumb arguing with math.