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Dogbert's Negotiating Class

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Dogbert's Negotiating Class - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2017's comic on:


Tags #negotiating, #deception, #sales, #manipulation, #deal, #business

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Boss: I approved your request to take a negotiating class. Dilbert: Why did you change your mind? Boss: The instructor offered a great deal. Narrator: Earlier that day. Dogbert: Would you like to spend other people's money to get rid of Dilbert for a few days? Boss: Sold!

Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating

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Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #trick, #deception

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Dilbert: I want you to lower your price, but I don't know how to negotiate. Man: It's easy. All you need to do is offer to pay more than the list price and wait for me to counteroffer. Dilbert: Okay... I'll pay twenty percent over the list price. Man: You win! Sign here.

Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert

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Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #negotiating, #persuasion, #help, #altruism, #selfishness

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Dilbert: Can you teach me to be more persuasive? Dogbert: What's in it for me? Dilbert: It will make you feel good to help a friend. Dogbert: Does it feel as good as denying you? Dilbert: I have no way to know. Dogbert: Bah!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #character, #judging, #prediction, #reading, #con

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Boss: I'm a good judge of people. Dilbert: Really? What am I thinking right now? Boss: Hmmm... You're wondering how you could be more like me. You admire my leadership, and you write about me in glowing terms in your diary. Dilbert: What diary? Boss: Shhh! I'm still reading you. You have no patience and you don't like to be judged. Dilbert: Okay, that's enough. Boss: Nailed it!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #micromanaging, #managers, #productivity, #google

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Boss: I have a meeting in a few minutes, so I only have time to do some micromanaging. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better do do regular managing? Boss: I don't have time for the regular kind. Dilbert: Then wouldn't it be better to do no managing at all? Boss: Some is better than none. Dilbert: Except when less is more. Boss: This got too complicated. How about I just stand behind you and suggest you Google stuff? Dilbert: Fine. I wish I had some data for this. Boss: Try Googling it.rnet,

False Rumor

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False Rumor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #insult, #backhanded compliment, #liar, #idiot

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Dilbert: Everyone at work thinks I'ma liar because of a false rumor. Dogbert: If it makes you feel any better, I know you aren't a liar. Dilbert: Thank you. That does help. Dogbert: I see you as more of an idiot. And you're welcome.

Dilbert Did Not Move The Server Rack

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Dilbert Did Not Move The Server Rack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2017's comic on:


Tags #rumors, #accusation, #lying, #obstinacy

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Boss: Why did you move the server rack? Dilbert: I didn't. Boss: You must be lying because I heard you did. Dilbert: Isn't it more likely you're wrong? Boss: Considering all the options, I like the one where I'm right about everything and you're a stinkin' liar.

Helping The Boss Be Successful

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Helping The Boss Be Successful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #helpfulness, #niceness, #kindness

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Asok: How can I help you achieve your goals and be more successful? Boss: You could stop talking all creepy and weird. Asok: I thought I was being helpful. Boss: Go hate your job like everyone else.

Wally Takes Decaf Vacations

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Wally Takes Decaf Vacations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #vacation, #caffeine, #coffee

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Alice: I've never seen you take a vacation. Wally: I take mental vacations. All I do is switch to decaf. After a few hours, I can't remember what country I'm in. Alice: Sounds dumb. Is the any downside? Wally: The locals could be friendlier.

Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks

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Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #rich people, #money, #stock market, #investments, #out of touch, #obliviousness, #stratification

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CEO: Hey, our stock is up two percent. I just made more money than you'll earn in your entire life. Remind me, do I leave you a tip?