Financial Contract Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

148 Results for Financial Contract

View 61 - 70 results for financial contract comic strips. Discover the best "Financial Contract" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #finished contract, #miocene epoch, #hoof fossil, #signature, #rushed

View Transcript

Transcript

A lawyer says, "I just finished a contract I started during the Miocene epoch." The lawyer says, "...Assuming this hoof fossil is a signature." The lawyers says, "These things can't be rushed."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #financial bakery, #abuse, #zero units, #cook books, #foot notes, #smell like feet

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "Welcome to 'Dogbert's Financial Bakery.' How may I abuse you?" A man says, "We shipped zero units this quarter. Can you cook our books?" Dogbert says, "Of course." The man says, "Will anyone know?" Dogbert says, "Sometimes the footnotes smell like actual feet."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dog, #financial planner, #troglodyte, #Advice, #soften up, #meeting, #insult, #yell, #scream, #put down, #animals, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the financial planner Dogbert: Investing is far too complicated for your tiny brain. You are a financial troglodytle!!!" Man: Do I get some advice now? Dogbert: No, our first meeting is just to soften you up.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #financial planner, #health care, #squalor, #diversified portfolio, #bacon, #secrets, #planning, #dog advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the financial planner Dogbert: With advances in health care, you could live to be 200. If you have a good financial plan, only the last 120 years will be spent in squalor. I recommend a diversified portfolio. And bacon."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #contract changes, #last month, #negotiate, #not authorized, #hope to wear you down

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "You didn't make any of the contract changes we agreed on last month." Ted: "That's how I negotiate." "I'm not authorized to make any changes to the contract." "And the executives who have that power will think I'm not doing my job if I ask them to do it." "So I agree to everything you ask, then I don't put any of it in the contract." "Over the course of several months I hope to wear you down and make you sign the contract as is." Dilbert: "Can you at least change section three the way I asked? Ted: "Sure. No problem." "I'll see you in a month."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wealthy investor, #list of cutomers, #products to injure, #lawyer, #contract, #list, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: We financed our expansion by selling the goodwill on our balance sheet to a wealthy investor. Dogbert: "I made a list of the customers that I want your products to injure." "Your lawyer did a bad job on the contract." The Boss: "His name is on your list."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #finances, #money, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Financial Advisor Man: You've made a lot of money as a demotivational speaker. I recommend allocating 2% of it to me, and 98% to things that sound good if you don't look into them too closely. How about a managed stock fund with high churn and a big front-end load? Wally: Sounds good.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"It's stressful to be a contract employee. I only get paid for the hours I work." "I can't enjoy my time off because it feels as if it costs me a fortune!" "Do you know what I mean?" "Yeah, I had a feeling once."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Here's the problem: Our salesman, Lyin' John, sold you a system that we can't install without losing money." "I propose that you pay us 40% more than we quoted you in the contract, and everyone wins." "Her body language says she's thinking about it." CRACK!!!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

You're in charge of installing the system that Lyin' John sold to our biggest customer. "Lyin' John neglected to include the network and server in his sale. This is a financial sinkhole." "You take the joy out of delegating."