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Dogbert stands at a desk and types, "We can not offer you a position at this time but you are obviously qualified." Dogbert types, "Unfortunately, the other six billion people on earth are more qualified." Dogbert types, "We'll keep your resume on file." He crumples the resume into a ball and throws it over his shoulder.
Dilbert hands the Boss a document and says, "As you requested, here is a schedule of all future unplanned network outages." Dilbert continues, "I took the initiative to include a schedule of all future sick days, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes and hurricanes." Dilbert says, "This is the point when you realize how stupid your request was and we have a good laugh." The Boss reads the document and looks shocked. He asks, "Does CNN know about this?"
An attendant says to Dilbert, "This taxi is yours. Here's a description of how he'll cheat you." Dilbert sits in the back of the taxi cab and says, "It says you'll be running the meter despite the flat rate. Then you'll feign poor language skills when I question you." The driver looks crazy. Dilbert says, "I can't fault your efficiency, though." The driver hits a bicycle and a pedestrian.
Dilbert sits at his desk and tells the Boss, "At first I thought you committed me to an impossible deadline. But I have a theoretical solution." Dilbert explains, "It involves flying around the earth so fast that I travel back to the past." The Boss asks, "And then you'll have enough time?" Dilbert replies, "No, then I'll give your parents this pamphlet on contraception."
Dilbert and Dogbert walk down the sidewalk. Dogbert says, "People are getting stupider every day, relatively speaking." Dogbert continues, "The complexity of the world is increasing geometrically." Dogbert continues, "But your ability to learn is at the same slow trickle it has always been." Dogbert climbs onto a rock and continues, "Information is gushing toward your brain like a firehose aimed at a teacup." Dogbert stands on the rock and continues, "You're at a crossroads in history. Even the smartest among you has become 'functionally stupid.'" Dogbert continues, "Your only hope is to choose a leader whose vision can penetrate the thick fog of human incompetence." Dogbert raises his paws and shouts, "Dogbert for Supreme Ruler of Earth!!" Dilbert sits on a rock and asks, "Do you want my opinion?" Dogbert says, "What are the odds of that?"
Dogbert stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "The votes are in. I've been elected to the position of Supreme Ruler of Earth." Dogbert says, "I won in a landslide, thanks to low voter turnout and the fact that I voted for myself many times." Dilbert says, "I hope you'll be a benevolent ruler." Dogbert says, "I think I'll make caning an Olympic event."
Dilbert and Dogbert walk on the grass. Dogbert says, "Someday when I become the supreme ruler of earth . . ." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a park bench. Dogbert continues, "I'll order everybody to go outside once a day and run around with their mouths open." Dilbert asks, "Because you support fresh air and exercise?" Dogbert replies, "Because I hate flies."
Dilbert and Dogbert take a walk outdoors. Dogbert says, "It has always been my goal to become supreme ruler of earth . . ." As they peer over a cliff, Dogbert continues, "But lately I've been wondering if you dolts are worthy of my leadership." Dilbert asks, "Do you think maybe your ego is out of control, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "I like it that way."
Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. Dogbert sits on the armrest of the chair. Dilbert says, "I need your help, Dogbert." Dilbert carries Dogbert to the desk as he explains, "My company is downsizing. They told us to write our own job requirements then reapply for our jobs." Dogbert asks, "Why do you want to keep working for such a lame company?" Dilbert quips, "Loyalty!" Dilbert and Dogbert laugh. Dogbert says, "Good one." Dogbert says, "Okay. You must write your job requirements so you are the only one on earth who fits." Dilbert replies, "Right." Dogbert dictates, "The candidate must have six years experience sitting in a big box being micromanaged by a nitwit." Dilbert adds, "The candidate must have a festering cynicism and an acquired fear of action." Dogbert says, "Good." Dilbert says, "That narrows it to ten thousand employees." Dogbert says, "We'll have to focus on your physical abnormalities."
Dilbert says to the Boss, ". . . But our primary vendor can't deliver, so . . ." The Boss ignores Dilbert and thinks, "I wonder what's on tv tonight." Dilbert continues, ". . . Should we risk a lawsuit or build a product that nobody on earth wants?" The Boss thinks, "Did he ask me to make a choice?" Dilbert thinks, "Will it be a request for information or an impractical solution?" The Boss says, "Let's do both!"