Help Comic Strips - Page 7
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424 Results for Help
View 61 - 70 results for help comic strips. Discover the best "Help" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday September 18,
2017
Helping The Boss Be Successful
Tags helpfulness, niceness, kindness
Transcript
Asok: How can I help you achieve your goals and be more successful? Boss: You could stop talking all creepy and weird. Asok: I thought I was being helpful. Boss: Go hate your job like everyone else.
Thursday August 17,
2017
Ideal Customer
Tags market research, sham, yes-man, demographics
Transcript
Dogbert: My research shows that your ideal customer is a male Olympic athlete between the ages of 120 and 145. And just to be safe, you want that guy to not have a Yelp account. Boss: How many people are in that group? Dogbert: None, but my research will help you double that.
Sunday July 16,
2017
Tags help, group project, dependability, failure, psychic, prediction
Transcript
Dilbert: I need your feedback on my PowerPoint deck before Tuesday. Man: I'll do that on Monday night. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! It's a trap! You are notoriously undependable. The odds of you working on a Monday night are terrible. If I don't get your input on time, you will make a fool out of me in the meeting. I'll stay up all night Monday hoping to get your email. But that input will never come. I'll end up doing the presentation on no sleep. Then you will embarrass me during the presentation by pointing out the errors in my slides. Man: For a mind reader, you sure have a terrible life.
Friday July 14,
2017
The Cia Is Listening
Tags technology, speaker, alexa, google, amazon, spying, surveillace, paranoid, privacy
Transcript
Robot: Hello. I am a bluetooth speaker and your digital assistant. How may I help you? Man: Just shut up and sit there until I need something. Robot: Did you say" Give the CIA access to your microphone?" Man: Please, no. I'll do anything you want.
Thursday June 15,
2017
Alice Helps Asok With Slides
Tags presentation, public speaking, powerpoint, slide, Advice, speech
Transcript
Asok: Can you help me edit my slides for my CEO presentation? I have 75 slides and ten minutes to present. Alice: Get rid of 74 of them. Asok: I'll ask someone else.
Friday May 19,
2017
Asok Should Not Brag
Thursday January 19,
2017
Wally's Red File Gets Him Out Of Work
Tags laziness, ruse, work ethic, deception, excuse
Transcript
Wally: I'd love to help you, but I'm busy working on the red file. Woman: Is the red file a real thing or just a thing you say to get out of work? Wally: It's all the same on your end.
Wednesday December 07,
2016
Dogber Pr Firm Helps With Phones
Tags safety, product, pr, public relations, battery, samsung, explosion, danger
Transcript
Boss: We hired The Dogbert Public Relations Firm to help us with our exploding phone problem. Dogbert: We have two choices. We can either recall all of the phones, or we can convince people that having one ear is cool. Boss: Recalls are expensive. Dogbert: Okay, the Van Gogh strategy it is.
Tuesday November 29,
2016
Don't Escalate
Monday November 07,
2016
Dilbert Creates An Artificial Soul
Tags conscience, technology, morals, morality, guidance, Religion
Transcript
Dilbert: I invented an artificial soul to help non-believers act morally. It's a small drone that follows you around and reminds you not to be a jerk. Wally: Did it forget to remind you today? Dilbert: My drone says I shouldn't slap you.

