Ice Cold Bath Comic Strips - Page 7
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With a turkey attached to his back, Asok says to Dilbert "I used to have an e-mail monkey on my back, but I went cold turkey." Asok continues, "I still do a little chatting but that's not addictive. Is it?" A monkey approches Asok and introduces himself, "I'm Rofl." Asok replies, "Oh, just shut up and hop on."
Girl: So they replaced our computers and never trained us. I told them we needed a training class but they ignored my requests. So our computers sit there unused while we do our work the slow way. Dilbert: why don't you real the computer manual? Girl: I don't have time for that! Dilbert: But you have time for a class? It doesn't add up. Girl: Im cold. Dilbert: You should try wearing a coat. they're terrific.
Dilbert says to Carol, "This product would melt the polar ice caps and doom humanity." Carol replies, "That's okay." Dilbert says, "You're a part of humanity." Carol answers, "No, I'm in marketing." Dilbert says to Carol, "I won't help you destroy the planet." Carol answers, "That's what I said until I saw the free T-shirts."
Dilbert says to the Boss, "I need to take a class to learn the new technology." The Boss replies, "Our vendor's sales person will teach you everything he knows." The sales person begins explaining to Dilbert, who sits taking notes. "You only need 'three moist towelettes' to give yourself a sponge bath."
The Boss says to Dilbert while sitting at his desk, "Take this to the technology Buddha for enlightenment." Dilbert thinks to himself upon entering the Buddha's office and seeing him with his eyes closed and both hands on the desk, "He's busy meditating." Dilbert goes and stands next to the Buddha's chair all the while thinking to himself, "He must be very wise." The Buddha thinks to himself with both eyes shut, "Huge bowl of vanilla ice cream."
Dilbert pionts at an overhead projection and says, "Then if you.." A man interrupts and says, "...analyze the data." Dilbert thinks, "It's a hostile takeover of my presentation!" The man steps in front of Dilbert and says, "... you'll see a pattern." Dilbert sits on the couch at home in his robe eating ice cream. Dogbert says, "And you let him do it?" Dilbert says, "He had a laser ponter the size of your head."
Title reads: "Dogbert Presents." Dogbert stands in front a sign, reading "Managing by Analogies." He says, "It's easy!" The Boss and Dilbert at a table. The Boss says, "We'll solve our distribution problem the eskimo way." Dilbert responds, "Huh?" The Boss continues, "The eskimos gather ice all winter long." Then, "Later, during the lean summer months, the eskimos eat the ice they stored." The Boss adds, "We'll do the same thing." Dilbert explains, "But... the eskimos would starve if they only ate ice." The Boss says, "Maybe they eat penguins too. They're delicious." The Boss stands and adds, "Did you know the zoo can ban you for life if they catch you using a hibachi?"
Dogbert sits at Dilberts computer. Dilbert stands in a robe with a cup of coffee. Dogbert says, "I'm writing a comprehensive "how to" book." Dogbert says, "In chapter one, I teach people how to pick winning lottery numbers." Dogbert says, "Chapter two: How to find free real estate in very nice neighborhoods." Dogbert says, "Chapter three: how to lose weight by eating huge tubs of ice cream." Dogbert says, "Chapter four: how to build strong abs by joining a gym and never going." Dogbert says, "Finally, how to see angels by giving yourself a near death experience." Dogbert says, "That last one is just to get rid of all the witnesses." Dilbert thinks, "On the plus side I don't feel so bad about not recycling."
Rag Man thinks, "I hate being on an underfunded project." Alice walks by with some guy. Rag Man asks, "Can you spare some resources, lady? How about that intern? Are you using him?" Rag Man shows intern, "First you have to learn how to give yourself a sponge bath at the water fountain."
The ugly lady with the fashionably outdated glasses is wearing a toga and sandals. She hands Dogbert a pair of black dress socks and says, "Your first assignment is a lingerie shoot. You'll be wearing black socks." Dogbert has a lump of silly putty on his head as a 'beauty tumor.' The woman says, "There's nothing sexier than a short round guy in black socks." Dogbert sits on a table or block. Dogbert, wearing the dress socks, looks at himself in a hand mirror and wags his tail. He says, "Wow! This works!" Heat is rising off the ugly woman and she says, "Quick! Get me a big block of ice to sit on!"