Key To Winning Comic Strips - Page 7

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139 Results for Key To Winning

View 61 - 70 results for key to winning comic strips. Discover the best "Key To Winning" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2007's comic on:


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And now for another round of e-mail judo. "Let's see...This guy wants me to attend a meeting." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him I'm booked." "This guy wants some information." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him my hard drive crashed." "This idiot wants my input on his document." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him the attachment won't open." "Who's winning today?" "Not the people who sent me e-mail. Eee-yah!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I disappoint people, but I'm learning to enjoy it." "The key to happiness is to love who you are, not who others want you to be." "Doesn't that make you a sociopath?" "Yeah. I love that about me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I'm debating on the Internet!" "Ha ha! I'm winning every argument by saying the same thing!" "What's that?" "'How would you like it if Hitler killed you?'" "Hey, I debated you last night!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Blah, blah, blah, blah." "Uh-oh." "It's 2 o'clock and my brain has shut down for the afternoon." "Blah, blah, blah, blah..." "I have no idea what he's talking about." "This calls for some generic leadership." "Do a cost-benefit analysis, get buy-in from all the key stakeholders, and track the critical metrics." "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a conference call." push "How did anyone manage before there were fake conference calls?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2006's comic on:


Tags #art, #artist, #modern art, #expression, #obtuse, #con, #scheme, #money, #fake

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My idea is to drape a huge tarp over the hideous sculpture in the courtyard. "My message will be that art is as much about the negative space as the positive." "Plus it's not really art unless someone is winning."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2005's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #fly on plane, #guidelines, #key employees, #ceo, #presdient, #same flight, #interns, #run with sciccors, #plastic bags, #over heads

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I have new guidelines on who can fly on the same plane." "We can't risk losing too many key employees." "The CEO and the president are not allowed to be on the same flight." "No more than three vice presidents may be on the same flight." "What are the guidelines for interns?" "Infinite interns are allowed on the same flight. You are also allowed to run with scissors and put plastic bags over your heads." "How many interns are allowed per plastic bag?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2005's comic on:


Tags #faq for wedsite, #anticipate questions, #questionaire

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I hired Mr. Dogbert to write the F.A.Q. for our web site. "The key is to anticipate our customers' most likely questions." "Question 1: Where does your CEO live? I need to know so I can throw your cruddy project through his biggest window."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2005's comic on:


Tags #disbale cahe mode, #duplicate key, #engineer, #helping coowrker, #technical work, #understand, #engineering

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ALICE: "Just disable the local cache mode to fix the MAPI settings, and delete the duplicate messaging sub-system registry key." TINA: "What if I don't understand anything you said right then? ALICE: Good grief! I can't make it any simpler!" TINA: "GAAA!!!" ALICE: "It's funny because it's cruel."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 2005's comic on:


Tags #sales target, #have bad credit, #bonuses, #accounts receivable, #getting bonuses

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Dilbert: "The only way to meet our sales target is by selling to customers who have bad credit." The Boss: "That's okay, we'll get our bonuses before anyone realizes that the accounts recievables are worhtless." The Boss: "The key to getting bonusses is acting surprised later." Dilbert: "I feel unclean."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2005's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #himan resources, #downsized, #free dvd, #live off land, #shoplifting, #running fast

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Don't worry about being downsized after the reorganization." "Downsized employees will get my free DVD that teaches you how to live off the land." "The key to successful shoplifting is running very fast."