Leave Employee Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

756 Results for Leave Employee

View 61 - 70 results for leave employee comic strips. Discover the best "Leave Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally's Stealth Drone

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Stealth Drone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #deceit, #drone, #technology, #invention, #fake

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: In my right hand is a standard drone. In my left hand is a drone using the cloaking technology I invented. Voices: Ooh! Wow! Wally: I'll demonstrate it flying as soon as I finish the noise cancellation. CEO: Employee of the year!

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Arguing With Idiots

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Arguing With Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #secret, #tip, #arguing, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Wally, how do you stay happy while the rest of us are stressed out? Wally: It's easy. Instead of arguing with idiots, I pretend I agree with them so they'll leave me alone. Asok: That sounds risky. Wally: Yes, I agree.

Do Not Implicate Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Do Not Implicate Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sick, #sickness, #illness, #contagious, #deadline, #responsibility, #accountability, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My project is two weeks late because you came to work two weeks ago and gave me the flu. Boss: Do you have any excuses that don't implicate me as the main problem? Dilbert: How about I say I didn't feel motivated and leave it otherwise vague? Boss: I can work with that.

Tracking Employee Theft

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tracking Employee Theft - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #surveillance, #data, #information, #spying, #privacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Someone stole my purse out of my cubicle. Catbert: No problem. We have security video nearly everywhere and we can track every phone that has our internal company app on it. Carol: That is mildly disturbing. Catbert: Here's a live feed of the perp in the third stall of the men's restroom.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #valor, #awards, #bragging, #laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The employee award for valor goes to Wally. During the false alarm, we noticed Wally was not with the other evacuees. He stayed behind to make sure everyone else got out. At least that's what he told us later. Wally, do you have any words of inspiration for the group? Wally: Most of you are cowards. But imagine how good you would feel winning a non-monetary award for valor. Now I ask all of you to think about how you can repay me for my selfless valor on your behalf. Dilbert: Did you sleep through the fire alarm? Wally: Most productive nap I've ever had.

Elbonian Interference

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Interference - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hacker, #hacking, #trolls, #protest, #counter-protest, #obliviousness, #manipulation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Uh-oh. I think we are being attacked by an Elbonian troll farm. They're organizing an employee protest against management and... a management counter-protest against employees. Luckily, no one here is stupid enough to... Boss: Down with employees!

Value Of An Employee's Life

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Value Of An Employee's Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #team, #teamwork, #collaboration, #excuses, #group project, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Thank you all for coming. I'm hoping we can make a lot of progress in the next hour. Alice; I didn't get any sleep last night, so don't expect much from me. Asok: I'm so hungry I can barely think. Man 1: I might be a bit distracted today because my wife told me she wants to leave me. Wally: I can't stay for the whole meeting. I have another thing in a few minutes Man 2: I'm only here to sabotage your project because I can't abide the success of others. Dilbert; Why don't all of you leave now and I'll make all the decisions myself. Boss: How'd the team meeting go? Dilbert: Better than I expected.

Mothman Detects Energy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Mothman Detects Energy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #workload, #talking, #socializing, #conversation

View Transcript

Transcript

The Storytelling Mothman. Mothman: I detect the energy of an employee with a high workload. I'm here to tell you a long story that you think will never end. Alice: That is the last thing I need right now. Mothman: Do you know the history of the paper clip?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview, #hiring, #honesty, #immoral, #ulterior motives

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What would you say are your biggest weaknesses? Man: I like to rifle through my coworkers' desks when they aren't looking. But I don't steal anything unless I know I can frame someone else for the crime. I leave for work an hour late every day and blame traffic. I avoid accomplishing goals so I won't feel like sellout. Sometimes I'll start a trash fire just to get out of a meeting. And I've gotten every one of my bosses fired for things they didn't say or do. Boss: Would he be a good fit? Dilbert: I like what he has to offer.