Offer Candy Comic Strips - Page 7

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View 61 - 70 results for offer candy comic strips. Discover the best "Offer Candy" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bridery, #boss, #bribery dvd, #prepping, #money, #offer, #sly, #meeting, #drinks, #top secret, #business

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"If you recommend my company's product to your board, there might be a little something for you later." "Before you decide, look at this DVD titled, 'Is bribery right for you?'" "The narrator might refer to you by name when she dances."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiating, #opening offer, #lots of better offers, #ruining everything

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Negotiating My opening offer is... Dilbert: Thank you, thank you, than you, we accept your offer!! I haven t said an offer. Dilbert: I mean we have lots of other offers that are better. You're ruining everything.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert consults, #easy financing, #price gouge, #leasing advice, #paying, #products

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Dogbert consults Dogbert: "You should offer your customers easy financing." "That disguises the true cost of your products so you can price-gouge and people will thank you." "How much are we paying you?" "I'm leasing my advice to you." "Thank you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lazy rich, #new product, #rebate, #1 million, #banking on forgetting, #great bargain, #one person

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Dogbert: "Don't sell your new product for $29. Offer it at $1,000,029 with a rebate of $1,000,000." "People will think it's a great bargain when in fact it's just a huge inconvenience." The Boss: "And all we need is one person to forget to mail in the rebate forms." Dogbert: "We'll target the lazy rich."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #revenue projections, #email, #reading email, #song, #multi task, #stupid nbinder, #slow down, #comprehend, #reading goes quickly

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Alice enters Bob's office and asks, "Bob, can I have your revenue projections?" Bob replies, "No. I'm reading my e-mail. I can't do two things at once." Bob turns and says, "But I offer you this song instead." Bob dances and sings, "Ooh-waa-waa! I'm single-task Bob. I'm single-task Bob." Bob continues dancing and singing, "I can't multitask. I can only do one job." Alice yells, "Just give me the stupid binder that on your desk!!" Bob sits back down with his arms on his hips and says, "Sure. And I guess my e- mail can just read itself, right?" Once Alice leaves, Bob says to himself, "Reading goes quickly when you don't slow down to comprehend."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unpaid vacation, #managers approval, #downsize work, #over staffed, #hug slef, #selfishness, #corporate greed, #nasty corporate men

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Catbert and The Boss are meeting. Catbert says, "Let's offer employees unpaid vacation time, as long as their managers approve it." Catbert continues, "Then we'll downsize any work group that uses it, because it proves they're over-staffed." Catbert hugs himself and says, "Excuse me while I hug myself and purr." The Boss replies, "Take your time."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #performance review, #two jobs, #well, #attaboy, #no budget for raise, #cheapen

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Headline: Performance Review. The Boss says to Dilbert, "You did two jobs for a year and you did them well." The Boss continues, "I have no budget for raises, so all I can offer is an attaboy." The Boss continues, "The problem is: I don't want to cheapen the whole attaboy system."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the master, #overworked, #carefree, #powerful secret, #volunteer, #many tasks, #complaints later, #gandhi that eats, #dont recall, #agree

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Wally is asleep in his cubicle. Asok enters and says, "Wally, I need advice from the master." Wally wakes up and says, "Huh?" Asok says, "How do you remain so carefree while everyone else seems so overworked?" Wally replies, "Asok, you are ready to learn my most powerful secret." Wally continues, "Always volunteer to do lots of tasks. That will make you appear very busy." Wally continues, "Later, when someone complains that you didn't do a task..." Wally continues, "Say you remember discussing the topic but you don't recall agreeing to do anything." Wally continues, "Offer a glimmer of hope that you might yet do the task if no one yells at you... Then repeat." Asok replies, "Wow." Asok walks away and thinks, "He's like a Gandhi that eats."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #least expensive vendor, #requirements, #change mid project, #lowest bid, #fired later, #fired mid project, #outplacement service, #every sale

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Dilbert is meeting with a business associate. The business associate says, "We're the least expensive vendor unless your requirements change mid- project." Dilbert responds, "So... I'll get fired if I don't select the lowest bid, or I'll be fired later when the bills for change orders pour in." Dilbert says, "I prefer to be fired mid-project." The business associate replies, "We offer outplacement service with every sale."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #totally safe, #nuclear power plant, #elbonia, #slacve labor, #woo-hoo

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Dilbert says to Wally and Asok, "Our assignment is to design a totally safe nuclear power plant." Wally responds, "Let's put it in Elbonia. That seems safe to me." An Elbonian says to another, "Our offer of cheerful slave labor paid off!" The other responds, "Woo-Hoo!!"