One Bird Comic Strips - Page 7
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1000 Results for One Bird
View 61 - 70 results for one bird comic strips. Discover the best "One Bird" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday August 02,
2020
Dilbert Tells The Odds
Tags business, decision, estimate, managers & supervisors, miscommunication, odds, technology, wrong
Transcript
dilbert: i estimate odds at a 70% chance things go well, and a 30% chance we lose money on the deal. boss: if we lose money, will you admit you were wrong? dilbert: how could i be wrong? i'm just telling you the odds. boss: if we lose money, that's on you for recommending it. dilbert: um...no. i'm telling you the odds and letting you decide. boss: but you're the one saying this is such a great deal. dilbert upsetting and yelling forcing face mask off his face: i'm only telling you the odds, you pea-brained ignoramus!!! boss: so, you won't admit you were wrong? dilbert's face mask is over his eyes.
Sunday July 19,
2020
People Believe Anything
Tags argument, business, people, believe, anything, whisper, campaign, rival, management, dumb, covid, pandemic
Transcript
all parties wearing face masks. boss: i'm starting a whisper campaign against my rival in management. i want you to tell people he buys babies from the poor and eats them. dilbert: no one is dumb enough to believe that. boss: people will believe anything. dilbert: not anything. boss: yes, anything. dilbert: fine. i'll try it, but only to prove how wrong you are. office worker: how many does he eat per day? dilbert thinking: i need a new planet.
Sunday July 12,
2020
Wally Took Notes
Tags business, co-workers, forward, hungry, insults, intelligence, managers & supervisors, meeting, notes, pandemic, release, schedule, snack, technology, version, covid
Transcript
staff in conference room and all wearing face masks. dilbert: we agreed at our last meeting to postpone the version release. tina: no, we agreed to do it sooner. dilbert: i don't think so. who took notes at the last meeting? wally: i did. click wally: forwarding those notes to each of you. dilbert: um...your notes are mostly insults about the intelligence of your co-workers and...some sort of snack list. this is no help at all. wally: don't blame me. i'm not the one who schedules these meetings when i'm hungry.
Saturday July 11,
2020
First Time For Everything
Tags amazing, business, business plan, concept, first time, good, managers & supervisors, new, pandemic, face mask, covid
Transcript
boss and wally wearing face masks. boss: why should we do what you are suggesting when literally no one has ever tried it before? wally: because everything good and amazing had to be done by someone for the first time. boss: will this be good and amazing? wally: let's keep this on the concept level.
Monday June 29,
2020
Cooties In Elbonia
Tags cooties, deny, elbonia, managers & supervisors, outbreak, science, symptom, technology, news
Transcript
boss: the news says there's a major outbreak of cooties in elbonia. dilbert: i don't think cooties is a real thing. boss: experts say one of the symptoms of cooties is "denying science."
Sunday June 28,
2020
Dating In The Age Of Coronavirus
Tags attractive, contract, covid-19, dating, eyes, goodnight, kiss, lawyers, mask, masked, negotiations, office workers, single, technology
Transcript
carol: it must be difficult to be single in the age of covid-19. dilbert: it's not too bad, actually. i'm in contract negotiations with a semi-attractive women i met online. with any luck, i will be enjoying a double-masked goodnight kiss by late next month. that assumes our lawyers don't make too many changes to the contract. carol: did you just say she is only semi-attractive? dilbert: i'm judging from the parts i can see. i don't know what's under the mask and shower cap she wears all day. carol: you must like her eyes. dilbert: i like the one i can see. the other one has a patch.
Sunday June 21,
2020
Two Bad Options
Tags big business, business, business ethics, business failures/bankruptcies, hide, managers & supervisors, options, analysis, corporate
Transcript
Dilbert: I analyzed our only two options. One option costs too much, and the other option is impossible. Boss: Let's do the impossible one. Dilbert: Perhaps you can explain your reasoning. Boss: According to you, we will fail either way. But if we fail in a slow and inexpensive way, no one will even notice for months. With any luck, we'll have a corporate reorganization that forever hides our gross incompetence. Dilbert: Have you done this before? Boss: Every six months.
Sunday June 14,
2020
Need Boss To Make Decision
Tags argument, boss, decision, engineering, knowledge, marketing, office workers, sarcasm, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: We need your help making a decision. Jeff doesn't understand my product strategy because he isn't an engineer. And I don't understand any of his marketing nonsense. That's why we came to you. Boss: Because I understand both marketing and engineering? Dilbert: No, it's because you don't understand either one. We didn't have a coin to flip, and your decisions are totally random, so... Boss: Maybe you could describe the situation. Dilbert: I don't see how that helps.
Tuesday June 09,
2020
Shocking Fake Video
Tags insults, obliviousness, videos, conspiracy
Transcript
Boss: Did you see the shocking claims in the video I emailed to you? Dilbert: Yes. The video is so obviously fake that only a raging moron would think any of it is true. Boss: I think it's all true. Dilbert: Welp, that's one data point in my favor.
Saturday June 06,
2020
Confident Wrong Guy
Tags boss, confidence, employees, insults, obliviousness, office workers, sarcasm, hire
Transcript
Boss: I hired a guy who is always wrong, yet he is inexplicably confident. Alice: Why? We already have one of you. Boss: I don't know what you meant by that. But I am confident it is wrong.