Past 3 Months Comic Strips - Page 7
310 Results for Past 3 Months
View 61 - 70 results for past 3 months comic strips. Discover the best "Past 3 Months" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share September 30, 2014's comic on:
Larry: Hi, I'm Larry. I was hired because I'm a good cultural fit. I hope we can get past the stigma that cultural hires are incompetent. But I don't know how to do that. Alice: Maybe you could ask a competent person to help you.
Share July 20, 2014's comic on:
CEO: Last night, an idea for a new product came to me in a dream. Dilbert: ICK CEO: 3-D Glasses. Dilbert: To watch movies? CEO: No, real life. Dilbert: So...The glasses would make life in general appear three-dimensional? CEO: Exactly! People Love 3-D Stuff. Dilbert: Im not going to respond to your idea. Im just going to sit here looking three-dimensional. CEO: wait....how are you doing that? Dilbert: Im wearing glasses that make me look 3-D
Share May 11, 2014's comic on:
Tags #efficiency experts, #employee tracking, #wandering aorund, #meetings, #restroom trips, #employee monitoring, #wrist monitor, #low levels of caffeine, #typos up, #beat authority figure, #tablet computer, #danger signals, #workloads
Boss: Okay, let's see how employee 3452378 is doing. According to our employee tracking system, you have wandered around the office 17% more than the average employee. Dilbert: Maybe I have more meetings than most people. Boss: No, most of the difference is in restroom trips and detours past an attractive woman's desk. Your wrist monitor shows unacceptably low levels of caffeine for your workload. That's probably why your typos are up 9% and you have looked away from your workstation nine more times than last month. Now your wrist monitor indicated a desire to bean an authority figure to death with his own tablet computer. Phew! Your brain's wuss subroutine just kicked in. The danger has passed.
Share January 05, 2014's comic on:
Asok: I'm trying out a new philosophy for my life. My new motto is "Live for Today." Wally: If you live for today, how will you avoid starving tomorrow? If you do one little thing wrong today, it could ruin every minute of the rest of your life. Asok: So... I should live for the future. Wally: No, that would ruin today. I recommend living for the past. Asok: My past was no fun. Wally: Pretend you were someone else. Asok: My philosophy is that my name was Gustav and I traded beaver pelts. Dilbert: Stop ruining my present.
Share September 08, 2013's comic on:
Boss: If you finish your project in twelve months, I'll give you a five percent raise. Dilbert: I would gladly give up five percent of my future pay to avoid a doubling of my workload. Boss: You don't understand. I'm giving you an incentive to work harder. Dilbert: No, I'm pretty sure you're charging me five percent of my future pay to sit here and feel disgruntled. And it's working. I hate you more than ever and I no longer find meaning in my work My dreams lie broken and empty beneath the ruins of my optimism. Boss: I can't tell if your negotiating or dying. Dilbert: It's a little of both.
Share September 01, 2013's comic on:
Dilbert: Uh-oh. It's that guy. Coworker: You never returned any of my messages. Dilbert: I was busy. Coworker: For six months? Dilbert: Well, no... only for a week. But it would have been awkward to respond after ignoring you for so long. Coworker: So your plan was to avoid me forever even though we work on the same floor? Dilbert: No. I've seen the quality of your work and I figured there was a 60% chance that you would die in a workplace accident that the average idiot could easily avoid. For the record, I'm the one who was trying to avoid this conversation.
Share August 11, 2013's comic on:
Boss: Can you approve the purchase of this software? Boss: You need to run the software license past legal first. Lawyer: You need to fill out a legal services request form. I'll email it to you. Make sure you specify whether the software is open source or not. Dilbert: How would I know if it meets your definition of open source? Lawyer: It depends how the license is written. You'll need to ask legal to review it. Dilbert: Never mind. I'll just forge your signature on the form. Lawyer: Maybe this is why I've never seen a software license.
Share July 02, 2013's comic on:
Share June 23, 2013's comic on:
Boss: I'm on a deadline, so don't let anyone disturb me for at least an hour. If anyone gets past you, you're fired. CEO: Tell your boss to come to my office now. Carol: He'll fire me if I disturb him. CEO: I'm your CEO! Disturb your boss now or I'll fire you. Boss: I heard that, and if you disturb me, you're fired. CEO: You're fired if you don't! Boss: You're fired if you do! CEO: Whoa! Hold on! I'm getting a sudden wave of euphoria. Boss: Me too! CEO: Is it because we're overpaid? Boss: It... it feels... wonderful!
Share April 29, 2013's comic on:
Boss: Asok, the secret to success is to do what you love and stick to it. Asok: I like eating bread. Boss: Exactly! Follow your passion. Six Months Later Asok: Maybe I should try something else. Boss: Quitter.