Personal Dress Code Comic Strips - Page 7
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Boss: I can only give you a 3% raise. If you want more, take it up with our CEO. Dilbert: I'd like to explain why I deserve more than a 3% raise. As a negotiating strategy, Dogbert will simultaneously read a media report about your lavish $85 million mansion. I invented three new technologies this year. Dogbert: "The toilets are solid gold." Dilbert: I wrote most of the code for our new product. Dogbert: "The helicopter pad is on the roof of the car museum." Dilbert: I worked eighty hours per week. Dogbert: "Every elevator has a full kitchen." Dilbert: I could earn more at Google or Apple... Dogbert: "Entire house rotates for optimal sun exposure." Dilbert: Do you see where I'm going with this? CEO: High-five?
Boss: You're a perfect employee in many ways. Dilbert: I am? Boss: For example, you have excellent technical skills. Dilbert: That's true. Boss: And your attendance is perfect. Dilbert: Yes, it is. Boss: And you are too risk-averse to quit and start your own company. Dilbert: What? Boss: Plus, you have no social life to interfere with work.Dilbert: Are these still compliments? Boss: Combine all of that with your irrational need for approval, and it makes you a code-writing puppet. Did I already say you're underpaid? Dilbert: Stop complimenting me!
Dilbert: I have been sent to disable the Elbonian Internet as retaliation for hacking into our corporate network. Elbonian 1: Only our elites use the Internet. The rest of us don't care. Knock yourself out. Elbonian 2: Zero, zero, one, zero, one... Elbonian 3: I wish someone would just disable this thing.
Tags #arguing, #job, #job description, #managers, #manipulation, #taking advantage, #task, #whiney quitter, #resourceful entrepreneur, #personal growth, #outside the box, #key to greatness, #assigning wrong people, #mow lawn, #business
Dilbert: That isn't in my job description. Boss: What?! You should never tell your boss that a task isn't in your job description! It makes you sound like a whiney quitter instead of a resourceful entrepreneur. And don't forget all the personal growth that comes from taking on new challenges. Think outside the box. That is the key to greatness. Dilbert: So, according to you, the best way to achieve greatness is by assigning the wrong people to tasks? Are there any other dumb things I need to do to achieve greatness or is one thing enough? Catbert: Did you find someone to mow your lawn yet? Boss: Almost. He's putting up a fight.
Catbert: Your co-workers are complaining that your tube clothes distract them from work. Dilbert: I can make some modifications so I'm less sexy. That should cut down on the distraction. Catbert: We might not be on the same page. Dilbert: I could wear a corduroy tube. That's a libido killer.
Boss: That doesn't sound like a work call. Carol: It isn't I don't have time to do my personal stuff on my own time. I have to do it on work time. Boss: I pay you to do work stuff, not personal stuff. Carol: Then how would I get all of my personal stuff done? Boss: That's not my problem. Carol: Then why did you bring it up. Boss: Because I need you to do work. Carol: I told you I can't get all of my personal stuff done if I do your work! Boss: Okay, okay. I probably could have handled that better.
Financial Advisor. Dilbert: You kept me waiting in the lobby for five minutes. So I used that time to learn everything that matters in the field of personal investing. Did you know that you don't know much? Financial Advisor: I did not know that.
Dilbert: Hey, it's the first day of our new dress code and we wore exactly the same outfits! Alice: If you ever say that again I will rip out your tongue and use it to slap you to death. Dilbert: Is it because I wore it better?
Dilbert: This is our new company dress code. We call it "Business Dorky." Dogbert: I like it because it makes you look powerless, boring, and sexually irrelevant. Dilbert: They make me wear this badge so I don't look like an asexual trespasser. Dogbert: Accessories make the outfit.
Catbert: Our new dress code is "Business Dorky." Your clothes must be dorky, unstylish, and 50% tan colored. Dilbert: So... business casual? Catbert: That's a dumb name for it.