Professional Liar Comic Strips - Page 7

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87 Results for Professional Liar

View 61 - 70 results for professional liar comic strips. Discover the best "Professional Liar" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 1999's comic on:


Tags #big dumb guy, #disagree, #lazy, #habitual liar, #excellent track record, #excellent work

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The Boss brings a Big Dumb Guy to Alice's desk. He says, "Alice, I'd like you to work with this big dumb guy." The Boss continues, "He doesn't know he's dumb. So he'll tell people you're dumb if you ever disagree." The Boss: "He's also lazy and a habitual liar." Alice shouts, "Then why do you let him work here?!" The Boss explains, "He has an excellent track record. No one knows why." In front of the Boss and Alice, the Big Dumb Guy bends over and picks up the document that Alice was working on from her desk. Big Dumb Guy shows Alice's document to the Boss. Big Dumb Guy says, "Look what I just did." The Boss responds, "Excellent work." Alice is flabbergasted. The Boss tries to console Alice, who is furious, with "Remember Alice, you're never too old to learn."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 1999's comic on:


Tags #unprofessional, #thirty minutes, #six minutes, #too professional, #death to those who eat

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The boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice are in a meeting. The Boss says, "Anyone who takes more than thirty minutes for lunch is unprofessional." Wally says, "That's still too long! I say your unprofessional after six minutes!" The boss says, "That's a little too professional, Wally." Wally says, "Death to those who eat!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 1998's comic on:


Tags #no real purpose, #rais eissues, #form action plans, #urge to stomp, #not very professional

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Alice, Ted and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Ted says, "Thank you all for comimg to the meeting that has no real purpose." Ted says, "Maybe we could raise issues and then form action plans." Alice says, "I have an urge to stomp you to death." Ted says, "That's not very professional of you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 1997's comic on:


Tags #monkeys, #pick stocks, #dogbert mutual fund, #better professional, #employee only monkeys, #high fees, #hiring the best, #paid commercial

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On television, Dogbert speaks in a paid commercial about his mutual fund. Dogbert says, "Studies have shown that monkeys can pick stocks better than most professionals." The Boss watches the tv commercial. Dogbert says, "That's why the Dogbert mutual fund employs only monkeys." Dogbert sits at a desk surrounded by monkeys. Dogbert says, "Yes, our fees are high, but I don't apologize for hiring the best."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 1997's comic on:


Tags #downsized, #dinosaurs, #spike things, #safety hazrd, #ate ficus tree, #being professional

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Dogbert says to Dawn, Bob and Rex, "There's not enough room for all of you dinosaurs. One of you must be downsized." Bob says, "If it helps, these spikey things are a safety hazard. And little Rex ate your ficus tree." Dogbert says, "Thanks for being professional about this, Bob." Bob holds up Little Rex and says, "When you put him in good light, how cute is he really?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #professional, #bearer of bad news, #offer position, #qualified, #six billion, #earth, #resume

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Dogbert stands at a desk and types, "We can not offer you a position at this time but you are obviously qualified." Dogbert types, "Unfortunately, the other six billion people on earth are more qualified." Dogbert types, "We'll keep your resume on file." He crumples the resume into a ball and throws it over his shoulder.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 1997's comic on:


Tags #bearer, #bead news, #tragic, #find humor, #husband, #village people, #coming back, #relationships

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Dogbert stands on Dilbert's desk and says, "I'm going into business as a professional bearer of bad news." Dogbert continues, "I'll try to find the humor that is inherent in every tragic situation." Dogbert stands on a woman's doorstep. The woman says, "I give up. What IS the difference between my husband and the seventies pop group 'Village People'?" Dogbert says, "They're coming back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 1997's comic on:


Tags #linch time, #sandwich, #cafetria, #borrow five dollars, #keep professional, #girl like dilbert, #untamed beast

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Tina the Tech Writer says to Dilbert, "It's noon. Let's grab a sandwich at the cafeteria." Dilbert replies, "Okay, but make sure that's ALL you grab. I'd like to keep this on a professional basis." Dilbert adds, "And I'll need to borrow five dollars." Tina sighs and thinks, "He's like a beautiful, untamed beast."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 1997's comic on:


Tags #most absurd activity, #timecard, #no project code, #staring at wall, #fretting, #reorganization, #training, #their or liar

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Dilbert sits at his desk and thinks, "And now for the most absurd activity of the week: the timecard." Dilbert thinks, "There's no project code for 'staring at the wall and fretting about the reorganization.' I'll call it 'training.'" Dilbert hands the timecard to Carol and says, "Before I worked here I wasn't a thief or a liar." Carol replies, "You can't get that kind of training in school."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 1996's comic on:


Tags #layoff list, #Wally, #claimed chair, #few minutes ago, #hard on survivors

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Ted says to Wally, "I hear you're on the layoff list, Wally. Has anyone claimed your chair yet?" A man says, "I claimed it a few minutes ago." Ted yells, "Liar!" As the two men fight, Wally says, "I guess it's true what they say about layoffs being hard on the survivors."