Replaces Humans Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

81 Results for Replaces Humans

View 61 - 70 results for replaces humans comic strips. Discover the best "Replaces Humans" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ruin career, #upstart embryo, #replaces me, #volunteers, #give constructive criticism, #human resources, #don't like attitude, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally stares at the embryo on the desk. Wally thinks, "I'd better ruin the career of this upstart embry before he replaces me." Catbert arrives at the cubicle and says, "I need volunteers to give constructive criticism to human resources." Catbert walks down the hall holding the embryo. Catbert says, "I don't like your attitude."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quit, #work from home, #human contact, #testing email, #miss humans

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks into the conference room for a staff meeting. He thinks, "Maybe I should quit and work for myself from home." Dilbert sits down at the table and thinks, "I would miss all the human contact." Dilbert thinks, "Same as now." The Boss walks in and says, "I'm testing my e-mail. Did you get the 'e' I sent?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #petting, #break up, #roxanne, #humans, #kind, #intelligent creatures, #freaks out, #until intimate

View Transcript

Transcript

Roxanne, the cute girl, and Dogbert are sitting on the couch. Dogbert says, "As much as I like the petting, I still have to break up with you, Roxanne." Roxanne says, "Why?" Dogbert says, "Humans are kind intelligent, well-adjusted creatures, until you get to know them." Roxanne screams, "May the horned demons of Ixpah smite you like the last six!!!" Dogbert walks away and says, "This is what I'm talking about."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thermostat wars, #warm for you, #too hot, #compromise, #temprature, #shirtless men

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Thermostat wars." Wally stands behind Alice's desk wearing only a tie and his underwear. He says, "Be reasonable, Alice. When it's warm enough for you, it's too hot for normal humans." Wally continues, "Logically, you could wear a sweater. But there's nothing I can do to be less warm. Therefore, you must compromise." Dilbert asks, "Did she buy the argument?" Dilbert is also wearing a tie and boxer shorts. Wally holds a mirror and an electric razor. He replies, "No. But I'm going to shave my back and take another run at it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #calculated, #total time, #humans wait, #web pages, #information age, #big plot, #web is plot, #normal society

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on the couch. Dilbert says, "I calculated the total time that humans have waited for Web pages to load . . ." Dilbert continues, "It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age." Dilbert says, "Sometimes I think the Web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society." Dogbert thinks, "Uh-oh, he's on to me."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #answer this quiz, #bill gates, #towel boy, #humans are primates, #three monkeys, #stupid trick question

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in a room filled with electronic equipment. A voice coming from a monitor says, "You have been chosen as Bill Gates' towel boy. But first you must answer this quiz." The voice continues, "You're in a room with three monkeys. One has a banana, one has a stick, one has nothing. Which primate is the smartest?" Dilbert says, "Um . . ." Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dogbert says, "I guess the successful towel boys know that humans are primates too." DIlbert says angrily, "Stupid trick question."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #experiment 1, #exposing rat marketing plan, #no adverse response, #introduction, #background, #far more exposure, #humans, #tolerate

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Experiment #1: I am exposing a rat to my company's marketing plan." Dilbert shows a copy of the plan to Ratbert. The caption says, "He seems to have no adverse response to the introduction and background." Ratbert hums as he reads the plan. Dilbert takes notes. The caption says, "This is already far more exposure than humans could tolerate." A large bump appears on Ratbert's head and he says, "Sales projections . . . brain tumor . . . get Tylenol . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dehumanization, #invisible to humans, #fix, #wear a bag, #perfect solution, #hear you

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of Dogbert waving his arms. Dilbert says, "The dehumanization of my job has rendered me invisible to humans. Only you can see me, Dogbert." Dilbert asks, "How can we fix this?" Dogbert replies, "You could wear a bag on your head when you're around me." Dilbert clenches his fists and answers, "That's not the fix I had in mind." Dogbert responds, "It's not a perfect solution. I'd still be able to hear you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evolution favors monkeys, #cages, #as pets, #humans treated

View Transcript

Transcript

Zimbu: evolution favors monkeys, Eventually humans will be kept in cages as pets. Dilbert: Impossible! we humans will never allow ourselves to be treated like that! Now get out of the cubicle,

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #outdoors, #philosophy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert walk in the park. Dilbert says, "The great thing about being human is that I'm superior to all other animals." Dogbert asks, "On what do you base that absurd conclusion?" Dilbert replies, "Humans have the ability to kill any other animal. Therefore, we are superior." Dogbert says, "You could be slaughtered by chipmunks if they ever decide to gang up." Dilbert responds, "But they wouldn't decide to do that. That's why humans are superior." Dilbert continues, "Chipmunks waste their days by eating nuts and playing instead of plotting ways to kill other species." They sit down under a tree. Dogbert says, "It's futile to argue with you." Dilbert replies, "Thank you." A chipmunk in the tree says, "I say we kill him. Is anybody with me?"