Same Excuses Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

438 Results for Same Excuses

View 61 - 70 results for same excuses comic strips. Discover the best "Same Excuses" comics from Dilbert.com.

Hot And Cold In The Office

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hot And Cold In The Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags temperature, thermostat, disagreement, hot, cold

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so cold my hands turned into blocks of ice. Dilbert: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so hot I can't concentrate. Boss: Are the two of you the same species? Dilbert: That's a gray area because it would be impossible for us to mate.

Dilbert Characters

Optimal Meeting Density

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Optimal Meeting Density - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, excuses, excuse, meeting, meetings, powerpoint, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: We've achieved optimal meeting density. We have so many meetings that I can avoid all of them by saying I have another meeting at the same time. Man: While you're here, can you review my slide deck? Wally: I'd love to, but I have fifty slide decks ahead of you.

Wally Pivots

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Pivots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, laziness, deception, projects

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: My project was failing, so I pivoted to a different idea with the same name. Later, I'll change the project name to cover my tracks. Asok: What about your sunk costs? Wally: Gone like footprints in the sands of time.

Money Can't Buy Happiness

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Money Can't Buy Happiness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags happiness, work, motivation, meaning, money, raise, wages, excuses, psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.

Absurd Absolute

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Absurd Absolute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags software upgrade, idiot, absurd absolute, admit when wrong, eaten unicorn

View Transcript

Transcript

You're an idiot if you think the software upgrade will solve every one of our problems. Dilbert: Or are you an idiot for characterizing my reasonable idea as an absurd absolute? Why cant you admit when you're wrong? Dilbert: Same reason you've never eaten a unicorn.

Offensive Tweet From Long Ago

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Offensive Tweet From Long Ago - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags comprehensive, offensive, poor reading, sense of humor, seven years, offensive tweet, twitter

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: we found awn offensive tweet you sent seven years ago. Dilbert: Its only offensive if you have poor reading comprehension and no sense of humor. The boss: I find it offensive. Dilbert: I think we're on the same page here/

Dopamine

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, addiction, dopamine, prescription, drugs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Why do I need a prescription from a doctor to make a drug that boosts my dopamine... but I don't need a doctor's approval to use an app that is designed to do the same thing? Are you ignoring me and playing with your phone? Dogbert: I wasn't getting any dopamine from listening to you.

Elbonian Hackers Delete Wally's Report

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Hackers Delete Wally's Report - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evidence, excuses, hackers, hacking, laziness, assignment, elbonians, a, zing report

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you finish your assignment? Wally: Yes, but Elbonian hackers deleted my report along with all of my backups. Boss: I have no way of knowing that's true. Wally: It was an amazing report! Better than you've ever seen.

Ted Might Drop Dead

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Might Drop Dead - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags health, monitor, fitbit, wearable tech, heart attack, diseases, death, prediction, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.

Traffic App

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Traffic App - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags excuses, lying, app, technology, busted, caught

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Sorry I"m late. There was a big accident on the freeway. Boss: Not according to my traffic app. Wally: Just out of curiosity, what types of excuses are impossible to check with an app?