Same Excuses Comic Strips - Page 7

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436 Results for Same Excuses

View 61 - 70 results for same excuses comic strips. Discover the best "Same Excuses" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Pivots

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Wally Pivots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #deception, #projects

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Wally: My project was failing, so I pivoted to a different idea with the same name. Later, I'll change the project name to cover my tracks. Asok: What about your sunk costs? Wally: Gone like footprints in the sands of time.

Money Can't Buy Happiness

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Money Can't Buy Happiness  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #work, #motivation, #meaning, #money, #raise, #wages, #excuses, #psychology

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Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.

Absurd Absolute

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 Absurd Absolute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software upgrade, #idiot, #absurd absolute, #admit when wrong, #eaten unicorn

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You're an idiot if you think the software upgrade will solve every one of our problems. Dilbert: Or are you an idiot for characterizing my reasonable idea as an absurd absolute? Why cant you admit when you're wrong? Dilbert: Same reason you've never eaten a unicorn.

Offensive Tweet From Long Ago

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 Offensive Tweet From Long Ago - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #comprehensive, #offensive, #poor reading, #sense of humor, #seven years, #offensive tweet, #twitter

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The Boss: we found awn offensive tweet you sent seven years ago. Dilbert: Its only offensive if you have poor reading comprehension and no sense of humor. The boss: I find it offensive. Dilbert: I think we're on the same page here/

Dopamine

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 Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #addiction, #dopamine, #prescription, #drugs

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Dilbert: Why do I need a prescription from a doctor to make a drug that boosts my dopamine... but I don't need a doctor's approval to use an app that is designed to do the same thing? Are you ignoring me and playing with your phone? Dogbert: I wasn't getting any dopamine from listening to you.

Elbonian Hackers Delete Wally's Report

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Elbonian Hackers Delete Wally's Report - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evidence, #excuses, #hackers, #hacking, #laziness, #assignment, #elbonians, #a, #zing report

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Boss: Did you finish your assignment? Wally: Yes, but Elbonian hackers deleted my report along with all of my backups. Boss: I have no way of knowing that's true. Wally: It was an amazing report! Better than you've ever seen.

Ted Might Drop Dead

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Ted Might Drop Dead - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health, #monitor, #fitbit, #wearable tech, #heart attack, #diseases, #death, #prediction, #medical

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Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.

Traffic App

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Traffic App  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excuses, #lying, #app, #technology, #busted, #caught

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Wally: Sorry I"m late. There was a big accident on the freeway. Boss: Not according to my traffic app. Wally: Just out of curiosity, what types of excuses are impossible to check with an app?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #memory, #notes, #forgetting, #reminder, #forgetfulness

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Dilbert: Can you review the project plan in the shared folder before Monday? Man: Absolutely. Dilbert: I don't see you making a note to remind you later. Man: I'll remember. Dilbert: How many other tasks are you trying to remember at the same time/ Man: About seventy. Dilbert: And yet you will remember this one? Man: Have some faith, Wally. Dilbert: My name is Dilbert. Man: What were we talking about?

Being Ineffective

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Being Ineffective  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #training, #conference, #skills

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Boss: Why are we paying so much for this software? Dilbert: Because you didn't let me take a class on negotiating like I asked. Boss: Are you using this as leverage to get approval for the class? Dilbert: No, I'm just being ineffective. Does it look the same?