Slowing Of Failure Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

102 Results for Slowing Of Failure

View 61 - 70 results for slowing of failure comic strips. Discover the best "Slowing Of Failure" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #man, #sitting, #meeting, #contract, #reading, #skipping, #failure, #inefficient, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "My company typically takes about four months to negotiate this type of contract." Dilbert says, "And during that time there's a 100% chance that we'll change our minds or you'll discontinue this product." Dilbert says, "Shall we save some time by declaring failure and blaming each other?" Man says, "I gave up before I even handed you the contract."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asking, #questions, #choices, #ridiculous, #harsh, #mean

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "How did the industry standards meeting go? The boss says, "Did you convince 83 companies to adopt standards that benefit only us while dooming the entire industry in the long run?" The boss says, "Or are you a complete failure?" Dilbert says, "Can I hear those choices again?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #date, #shallow, #ridiculous, #looking, #cell phone, #failure, #leaving, #rejection, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman says, "I judge potential mates by their cell phone apps. Hand it over." Woman says, "You have an app that does nothing but hurl pirate insults. That is so stupid. This date is over." Cell Phone says, "Don't let the door hit you in the booty. Aaaargh!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #guilt, #excuse, #lie, #work, #avoiding, #acting

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "The successful work - avoider combines a fake eagerness to help with just a hint of likely failure." Man says, "Wally, I need load calcs in an hour." Wally says, "No problem! Unless my computer keeps crashing like it did all morning." Man says, "I'll ask someone else." Wally says, "I am begging you to let me help!" Asok thinks, "Wow!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coworker, #thinking, #sitting, #computer, #depressed, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert thinks, "As usual, my coworkers have filled in every space on my outlook calendar." Dilbert says, "Now I am only a puppet hurdling toward failure." Man says, "Hey there, dailure puppet!" Dilbert thinks, "I hoped it wasn't so obvious."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reading, #budget, #fixing, #failure

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "We can only afford to fix the high-priority bugs." Dilbert says, "If we don't fix 100% of the bugs, the software will be 100% useless." Dilbert says, "So our plan is to fail?" The boss says, "More slowly."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #plans, #meeting, #leadership, #failure, #ridiculous, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We'll execute our strategy in the usual way." Dogbert says, "The powerful will delegate to the untalented until failure is achieved." The boss says, "How long will that take?" Dogbert says, "We just finished."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #complaining, #confessing, #excuses, #angry

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "I couldn't do any work this week because my project doesn't have a charge code." Wally says, "The chargeback group won't answer my e-mails, and our ethics rules forbid me from using a false code." Wally says, "It's another failure of management, but I know you can do better next week."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presentation, #plan, #lying, #marketing, #screaming, #guilt, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "In phase one, we'll tell our customer that the system failure won't happen again." Not us! The boss says, "In phase two, when it happens again, we'll act surprised." The boss says, "Then we'll say a software patch is being installed." Asok the intern says, "Gaaa!!! We're bad people!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project, #budget, #deadline, #resources, #ridiculous

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I'll never be able to finish my project on time." The Boss says, "You need to take ownership." Dilbert says, "Can I hire more programmers?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "Can I reduce the number of features?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "So...I'm just taking ownership of the failure?" The Boss says, "Don't be greedy."