Success Rate Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

199 Results for Success Rate

View 61 - 70 results for success rate comic strips. Discover the best "Success Rate" comics from Dilbert.com.

Health Sensor Predictes Death

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Health Sensor Predictes Death - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #invention, #success, #technology, #health monitor, #fitbit, #smart watch, #heart, #heart rate, #death, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: The health sensors you built into our smart watch prototype aren't working. According to your stupid sensors, my heart is going to stop beating in... Dilbert: Yay me!

View more books now

Celebrate Failure

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Celebrate Failure - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #success, #failure, #credit, #taking credit, #reasoning, #managers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Failure is the raw material of success. From now on, I will celebrate your failures. Dilbert: Will you still be taking credit for our successes? Boss: That part stays the same. I'm only trying to increase the contrast to your failures.

Rewarding Wally's Failures

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Rewarding Wally's Failures - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failure, #excuse, #laziness, #justification, #reasoning, #excuses

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: You should be celebrating my failures instead of punishing me for them. Failure is the raw material of success. If I am not failing, it means I am not pushing myself hard enough. Boss: Fine. What have you failed at? Wally: I failed to work on my project this month.

Try Leaning In

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Try Leaning In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #help, #Advice, #bad advice, #careers, #Promotion, #success, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I feel as if my career has stalled. Dilbert: Have you tried leaning-in? I hear good things about that. Tina: How do you sound helpful and offensive at the same time? Dilbert: Some say I have a gift.

Embellishing Resumes

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Embellishing Resumes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #resume, #lying, #deception, #accomplishments, #management, #success

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: I discovered that one of your employees embellished on his resume. Boss: That's outrageous! Fire him for lying to me! Catbert: I'm talking about the version he updated today. It says he accomplished things while working for you. Boss: That doesn't sound right.

Ceo Understands Wally

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Understands Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #buzzwords, #deception, #economists, #economy, #jargon, #chief economist, #quarter, #exchange rate, #derivatives, #yen, #monetary policy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our new Chief Economist, Wally, will tell us what to expect in the coming quarter. Wally: The exchange rate on derivatives will trigger a bubble in monetary policy and deflate the yen. CEO: I totally understand that and have no questions.Boss: Wow! He's good.

Wally Does Economic Babble Talk

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Does Economic Babble Talk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bitcoins, #confusion, #conversation, #economics, #jargon, #success, #the fed

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Do you think The Fed should liquidate its Bitcoins or let the dollar float with Libor rates? Boss: Maybe we could just sit quietly until the others arrive. Wally: Success.

Wall The Company Taint

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wall The Company Taint - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Promotion, #manager, #taint, #success

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: You're looking at the new vice president of zombie projects. The projects that will neither succeed nor be canceled are transferred to me so the other VP's avoid their taint. Alice: I guess that makes you the company's taint. Wally: I wear that label proudly.

Wally Is Not Hungry To Succeed

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Is Not Hungry To Succeed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mentor, #mentoring, #protege, #wages, #executives, #ceos, #compensation, #work ethic, #success, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I've been mentoring you for a week. Do you feel different? Wally: Yes. Spending time with you makes me feel underpaid. CEO: And that makes you hungry to succeed? Wally: I don't even see how those things are connected.

How To Make Money While Adding No Value

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How To Make Money While Adding No Value - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceos, #mentor, #mentors, #mentoring, #protege, #success, #merit, #qualification, #luck money, #wages, #earning, #earn, #money, #salary

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO Mentors Wally. CEO: How would you like me to mentor you, underling? Wally: Can you teach me how to make $25 million per year while adding no value to the company? CEO: I don't know how to teach you that. Wally: Was it all luck or did you have to kill people?