Teach Children Comic Strips - Page 7

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153 Results for Teach Children

View 61 - 70 results for teach children comic strips. Discover the best "Teach Children" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2006's comic on:


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"Today I will teach you how to use your incompetence to achieve your goals." "Step 1: Be incompetent. (Also known as 'the easy part.')" "Step 2: Volunteer for the most difficult and important projects" "Step 3: Convince your boss that an enemy within the company is slowing you down." "Step 4: Insist that competent people be pulled off of other projects to help you." "Step 5: Declare yourself the leader of the competent people" "Step 6: Claim credit for the work of the competent people." "Step 7: After you get promoted, fire the competent people to eliminate witnesses."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 2006's comic on:


Tags #children, #costume, #embarrassment, #parents, #respect, #work, #tattoo, #daught traylor, #corporate environment, #Family

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"What's that thing doing here?" "This is my daughter, Traylor." "I brought her to the office so she can learn about working in a corporate environment." "Okay, whatever. I have a new project for you." "Some idiot cut his finger. Now we have to do a safety awareness campaign." "Put on this dog costume. You're the mascot for our 'Spot' the safety hazard campaign." "Whenever anyone walks by, you say, 'Woof woof, don't use scissors.'" "Can I get a tattoo?" "Sure."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2005's comic on:


Tags #gullible world, #magazine, #cover story, #shed pounds, #yell at children, #eat your way, #be a better parent

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My new magazine is called 'Gullible World'. "This month's cover story is 'Shed Pounds by Yelling at Your Children'." "Next month will be 'Eat Your Way to Being a Better Parent'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2005's comic on:


Tags #wites to website, #eating toast, #file open, #stupidest question

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Dogbert writes a F.A.Q. for the company web site "Question 8: Why won't my file open when I'm eating toast?" "Answer 8: That is the stupidest question ever! Do not have children!" "I sure hope someone asks that question."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Hello! Hello! "Let me see that. I'm an engineer." "Hmm...It might be a bad signal or maybe a bad phone. There's only one way to isolate the problem." "Go up on the roof and see if you have reception there." "Dang. Nothing." "Uh-oh. The door is locked. No other way to get down...No one can hear me yell and my phone doesn't work." "My only hope is to jump into that open garbage bin in the alley." "That'll teach him to keep his battery charged."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2005's comic on:


Tags #wally reflctor, #bad people, #make you work, #offer no resistance, #order made, #requires work. they blow it off, #no work necessary

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Asok: the move that I ma about to teach you is called the "wally reflects" Wally: Throughout the day bad people will try to make you do work of for them. At first, offer no resistance, as if you actually plan to do the work. Then ask the offender to do a little bit of work himself. Allow me to demonstrate. Wally, I need to design a data base for all of our product features and services. Wally: Glad to do it! Wally: all i need from you is a comprehensive list of the dats fields you need included. Oh...wow Im really busy, I;ll had et get back to you on that. and I'll never see that idiot again. You inspire me. In a creepy kind of way.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2005's comic on:


Tags #technical glitch, #humble, #condescending engineer, #teach you to ask, #drinking beer, #study english, #sorry

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Tina: Oh No. It's a technical glitch that I don't know how to fix. "GAA! NOw I must humble myself to some condescending engineer and ask for help!" Alice: "And how did I teach you to ask?" Tina: "I'm sorry that I spent my college years drinking beer and studying English literature."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2004's comic on:


Tags #recognize noredom, #stop talking about yourself, #yawn

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Dogberts school for the social oblivious. Dogbert: Today I"ll teach you to recognize when your boring. Dogbert: This is called a yawn, when you see one , stop talking about yourself. BREAKOUT SESSION Ted: And then I chopped it right onto the green. Dogbert: Look,Look!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2004's comic on:


Tags #taking chance, #indoor plumbing, #teach human habits, #feral emplyee, #trained, #office

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"The feral employee" "I'm taking a chance by hiring you. Dont make me regret it." "Today, one of my seasoned professionals will teach you to use indoor plumbing." "Look! Look at me! The newspaper tucks under the arm!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2004's comic on:


Tags #celebrity business plan, #commit crime, #hire lawyer, #reality tv show, #gain weight, #tabloids, #spokesperson, #weight loss product, #write children book, #rehab, #addicted to painkillers, #plan, #future plans, #goals, #sensationalism

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Dogbert: "Would you review my celebrity business plan?" Dilbert: "Sure." Dogbert: "First, I'll commit a sensational crime that the media can't ignore." "Then I'll hire celebrity lawyer, Johnny 'Red' Galipigos to help me beat the rap." "I'll use my fame to land a part on a reality tv show where I will win by cheating." "Then I'll gain a massive amount of the weight so the tabloids will fixate on me." "Burp" "Then I'll become a spokesperson for a weight loss product." "It works!" "Lastly, I'll write children's books." Dilbert: "What about rehab?" "Good catch. I totally forgot the part where I get addicted to pain killers." Dilbert: "Otherwise it looks good."