This Week Comic Strips - Page 7

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View 61 - 70 results for this week comic strips. Discover the best "This Week" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Doesn't See Email

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Boss Doesn't See Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space, #astronaut, #engineering, #laziness, #bureaucracy, #accident

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Boss: The crew of our first spaceship suffocated on the launchpad. Apparently, I got an email last week asking for approval to repair the oxygen generator. Carol: You killed them with your incompetence? Boss: I can't take all the credit. It was a team effort.

Who's Turn To Lie

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Who's Turn To Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excuse, #excuses, #deadline, #lying

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Boss: Our CEO stopped by to see how long before we finish the new software. Dilbert: Whose turn is it to lie to him? Boss: I blamed Elbonian hackers last week. Dilbert: You're using all the good ones!

World's Saddest Club

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World's Saddest Club - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #catch-22, #deadline, #lose-lose, #choosing

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Man: Can you get that analysis to me by Tuesday? Alice: Yes, if I do it poorly. Alternately, I can do it well and miss your deadline by a week. Man: That gives me no path to success. Alice: Welcome to the world's saddest club.

Employee Weight Loss Contest

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Employee Weight Loss Contest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obesity, #health, #weight loss, #weight, #dieting, #cheating, #competition, #medical

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CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.

Dilbert Falls Asleep At The Wheel

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Dilbert Falls Asleep At The Wheel - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #safety, #catch-22, #fatigue, #accident, #driving

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Dilbert: I fell asleep at the wheel because I stayed up all night to meet your deadline. I had to work all night because you made me attend a mandatory safety meeting yesterday. But at least I got my work done on time. Boss: I forgot to tell you the meeting got moved to next week.

How The File Was Sent

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How The File Was Sent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #technology, #text, #app, #email

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Dilbert: What's the URL for that site? Boss: I sent that to you last week. Dilbert: To which of my seven email addresses did you send it? Boss: Maybe I texted it to you. Dilbert: I have a bad feeling about this. Boss: Maybe I used Slack, or WhatsApp. Or I sent it to someone else.

Requesting The Slightest Change

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Requesting The Slightest Change - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #web, #internet, #site, #code, #coding, #development, #deadline, #delay, #time, #technology

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Boss: Will our new website be live this week? Developer: That depends. If you request even the slightest change, it could set things back for months. Boss: I only want to change the homepage title font. Developer: Oh, great. I should be done by next summer.

New Website Developer

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New Website Developer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #web, #internet, #site, #development, #code, #time, #deadline, #coding, #technology

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Boss: Our website developer quit one week before the site was scheduled to be finished. But I hired a new one so we can finish on time. Dilbert: Apparently, you have never met a website developer before. Boss: So, you will be done in about a week, right? Developer: It will take me a month just to throw away the last guy's code.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #robot, #technology, #fairness, #unfair, #golden parachute, #oblivioiusness

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CEO: The good news is that none of you will lose your jobs to robots. But a robot will take my job next week. I'll retire with an enormous severance package and live out my days in splendor. Meanwhile, the robot that takes my job will be working all of you to death. Robots are natural leaders because they don't care about your feelings. You will experience mental and physical misery on a scale the world hasn't seen since slavery was legal. But hey, it's better than losing your job to a robot. Am I right? Apparently, nothing makes them happy.

Dogbert's Particle Accelerator

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Dogbert's Particle Accelerator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scheme, #plan, #deception, #trick, #science, #invention

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Dogbert: I built a particle accelerator in the basement. Dilbert: Sounds expensive. Dogbert: Not if you use cardboard. My plan is to say I discovered one new particle per week. When scientists fail to confirm my discoveries, I will say they need better accelerators.