Three Months Comic Strips - Page 7

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433 Results for Three Months

View 61 - 70 results for three months comic strips. Discover the best "Three Months" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally's Many Patents

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Wally's Many Patents - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2015's comic on:


Tags #accomplishments, #deception, #work ethic, #patent, #inventions

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Boss: On your list of accomplishments, you say you filed seventeen patents for the company this month. Wally: I did. Here's the documentation on each of them. Boss: Hmm... it will be three years before I know if these are accepted. Wally: Until then, let's play it safe and assume I'm awesome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #executives, #ceos, #raise, #asking for a raise, #compensation, #money, #wages, #comparison, #wage discrepancy, #mansion

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Boss: I can only give you a 3% raise. If you want more, take it up with our CEO. Dilbert: I'd like to explain why I deserve more than a 3% raise. As a negotiating strategy, Dogbert will simultaneously read a media report about your lavish $85 million mansion. I invented three new technologies this year. Dogbert: "The toilets are solid gold." Dilbert: I wrote most of the code for our new product. Dogbert: "The helicopter pad is on the roof of the car museum." Dilbert: I worked eighty hours per week. Dogbert: "Every elevator has a full kitchen." Dilbert: I could earn more at Google or Apple... Dogbert: "Entire house rotates for optimal sun exposure." Dilbert: Do you see where I'm going with this? CEO: High-five?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2015's comic on:


Tags #deadline, #expectation, #impossible, #irrational, #leadership, #motivation, #rationality

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Boss: How many days will it take to finish the tests? Dilbert: Three. Boss: You have two. Dilbert: I can't do it in two days. That's why I said three. Boss: That was before I used my leadership skills to tell you to do it in two days. Dilbert: Leadership doesn't change the laws of physics. The test takes three days. Boss: You have two. Leadership! These test results look incomplete. Dilbert: Just like my soul.

Topping Our Of Category

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Topping Our Of Category - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2015's comic on:


Tags #competition, #hyperbole, #lying, #topping, #sleepless, #kung fu, #divert asteroid, #c=ollison, #collision course

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Alice: I only slept three hours last night. Topper: That's nothing! I used kunk fu to divert an asteroid that was on a collision course with Earth. Alice: Topping needs to be in the same category! Topper: Only if you're bad at it! Hoo-ha!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2014's comic on:


Tags #chakras, #compatibility, #dancing, #dating, #yoga, #risk, #guzzle wine, #live music, #chakra energy, #hives, #hate dance, #relationships

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Woman: I like dancing and... Dilbert: I'm out. I avoid any relationship that has a risk of dancing. Woman: You're rejecting me because I like to dance? Dilbert: Yeah, it would start out all innocent... but two months into it you'd be guzzling wine and dragging me toward live music. Then you'd start doing all this... and this... and some of this... Woman: I also enjoy doing yoga to release my chakra energy. Does that bother you? Dilbert: I think I'm getting hives.

Launch Beta In Two Months

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Launch Beta In Two Months - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2014's comic on:


Tags #credibility, #lying, #truth, #beta version, #laughing, #problem

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Dilbert: And I plan to launch the beta version in two months. Group: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Dilbert: I have a credibility problem. Dogbert: And I should believe that?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #3 months, #multiple projects, #multitasking, #projects, #waiting, #work ethic, #patience

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Coworker: Three months. That's how long I have been waiting for you to do your part of the project. Wally: Perhaps you don't realize how many projects I'm on. Coworker: Have you done any work for the other projects? Wally: That would defeat the point of having multiple projects.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2014's comic on:


Tags #budgets, #deadlines, #logic, #obliviousness, #projects, #reasoning, #software upgrade, #rolled out, #estimated finish date, #same way, #failure, #on budget

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Coworker: The software upgrade will be written and rolled out in three months. Dilbert: Has any project of this complexity ever been completed by the estimated finish date? Coworker: Not yet. We're confident we'll be the first. Dilbert: Is that because you're doing things differently from all of those who went before and failed? Coworker: No. We're doing things exactly the same way as the people who failed. Dilbert: Do you see what I'm getting at? Coworker: No, not really. And we expect to be on budget. Wally: Snork!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2014's comic on:


Tags #boss, #insult, #insults, #lists, #managers, #obliviousness, #five signs, #bad boss, #forwarded link, #70 people

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Dilbert: Did you see the article on the Internet about the five signs you might be a bad boss? Boss: Yeah. About seventy people forwarded it to me. Dilbert: That was number three on the list. Boss: I didn't read it. Dilbert: That was number one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2014's comic on:


Tags #contracts, #lawyers, #porposal, #incomprehensible document, #complexity

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Boss: Your proposal with the three bullet points looks good to me. I'll ask my lawyers to turn it into an incomprehensible nine-page document that introduces complexity risks for... no... reason. Can I get back to you in the year 2018? Man: Stop making me cry!