Two Weeks Vaction Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

621 Results for Two Weeks Vaction

View 61 - 70 results for two weeks vaction comic strips. Discover the best "Two Weeks Vaction" comics from Dilbert.com.

Employee Weight Loss Contest

Thank you for voting.
Employee Weight Loss Contest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2016's comic on:


Tags #obesity, #health, #weight loss, #weight, #dieting, #cheating, #competition, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2016's comic on:


Tags #email, #communication, #response, #confusion, #honesty, #overshare

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Did you see my email? Dilbert; Did you mean your two-page document that has about twelve questions for me sprinkled throughout? Man: Yes, that's the one. Why haven't you responded? Dilbert: It's hard to answer that question while being polite. Man: You can be honest. Dilbert: Your email was such a disorganized mess that I assumed everything you do is doomed to fail. I didn't want to waste half a day deciphering it just so I could be on the losing side. With you. Man: Next time, just say you were busy. Dilbert: And I was busy.

Estimating Finish Times

Thank you for voting.
Estimating Finish Times - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #website, #internet, #developer, #code, #coding, #deadline, #time, #deception, #lying, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm having trouble managing our web developer because I don't know how long things are supposed to take. Does it really take nine months to change the font on the home page? Developer: How much do I owe you? Dilbert: Tell him my project normally takes two years.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #insult, #meeting, #tardiness, #punctual, #badmouth, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It seems that everyone but Ted made it to this meeting. If we proceed without Ted, our decisions will be underinformed. If we try to reschedule a meeting with all of us, we will miss the critical deadline. Thanks to Ted, we have two ways to lose and no way to win. I say we use this time to say bad things about Ted to make ourselves feel better. I'll start. Ted is a lazy, selfish loser, If I could travel through time, I would prevent Ted's parents from meeting. Don't look at me like I'm the one who came late.

Wally's Inappropriate Attire

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Inappropriate Attire - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2016's comic on:


Tags #dress code, #outfit, #crop top, #deception, #ploy, #trick, #telecommuting, #laziness, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: That is inappropriate office attire! Go home and work remotely for the rest of the day. Dilbert: How'd it work out? Wally: Phase one was a total success. Phase two involves napping.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2016's comic on:


Tags #workload, #work ethic, #laziness, #teamwork, #team, #philosophy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't know how you are stress-free when we have so much work to do. Wally: It's all about understanding percentages. No matter how hard you work, you will never finish even two percent of what needs to be done. The financial rewards of doing two percent of your work are identical to doing none. It's also a good idea to volunteer for several projects so everyone thinks you're working on the other ones. Your problem is that you're doing actual work for no good reason. Dilbert: My problem is that I'm doing your work plus my work! Wally: It's only two percent more work, you whiner.

Dashboard Never Changes

Thank you for voting.
Dashboard Never Changes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2016's comic on:


Tags #deception, #trick, #technology, #status, #ruse

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I noticed that the project dashboard you wrote for me never changes. Dilbert: That's because our projects are always doing great. Boss: It's a static image, isn't it? Dilbert: You're gonna wish you asked that three weeks ago.

Dashboard For The Boss

Thank you for voting.
Dashboard For The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2016's comic on:


Tags #technology, #ruse, #trick, #deception.

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It's called a dashboard. It shows the current status of all our projects. With a tool like this, you never need to ask us for status updates. Wally: How'd the fake dashboard gambit work out? Dilbert: Great! He hasn't talked to me in weeks.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #technology, #learning, #education, #tutorial, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I love living in a world where everything I need to know is on the Internet. I'll just hop over to YouTube and learn how to use my new app. Perfect! I can choose from over a hundred different tutorials! It will only take me an hour or so to figure out which one refers to my version of the software. Narrator: One hour later. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! These videos are poorly labeled! Narrator: Two hours later. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! This guy talks too slowly! Get to the point! Narrator: Three hours later. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Why are my menu options different from the tutorial? I hate living in a world where everything I need to know is on the Internet.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2016's comic on:


Tags #punctuality, #late, #excuses, #traffic, #sleep, #time management, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Sorry I'm late. Traffic was terrible. Dilbert: Isn't the traffic from your house always terrible at this time of day? Tina: Exactly! That's why I'm late every day. Dilbert: Do you see any way you could fix that? Tina: I can't control the traffic. Dilbert: You could leave earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't get enough sleep. Dilbert; You could go to bed earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't have time to watch Netflix until two in the morning. Do you want me to hate my life? Dilbert: I didn't until now.