Wear Whatever Comic Strips - Page 7

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243 Results for Wear Whatever

View 61 - 70 results for wear whatever comic strips. Discover the best "Wear Whatever" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mathematics, patents, patent infreingement, jury duty, award

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Lawyer: A small company is suing us for patent infringement. We'll be fine unless the court somehow finds twelve citizens who aren't smart enough to get out of jury duty yet are inexplicably able to do math. Juror: We recommend an award of whatever the square root of 22 over zero is.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ignorance (knowledge), managers & supervisors, values, don't run with scissors, ask for raises, employee values, business

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CEO: Experts say we need to empower employees with "values." So I guess we need some values, whatever the heck those are. Boss: I think it's like "Don't run with scissors." CEO: Let's start with that and see if they stop asking for raises.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoyance, correspondence, unclear email, unwillingness, answer questions

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Boss: This isn't what I wanted. Dilbert: I know. But given your unclear email and your unwillingness to answer follow-up questions, I decided to do whatever entertained me. Boss: Do we have a problem here? Dilbert: No, this totally works for me.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoyance, screen savers, company logo, corporate rule, agenda, meeting, business

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Boss: First on the agenda, we're standardizing all screen savers to be our company logo. Second, our CEO is having a contest to see who can suggest the most useless corporate rule to eliminate. Wally: I nominate the nee screen-saver rule. Boss: You can't nominate that one. It's too new. Dilbert: Why does that matter? Isn't it better to kill it before it gets implemented? Boss: It's too soon! It's just too soon! Dilbert: Fine. Boss: Fine. Wally: I nominate whatever is next on the agenda.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags 3d printer, answer questions, modeling (sculpture), pointy haired boss

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Carol: Your pointy-haired boss wants to know if you tested the new 3-D printer yet. Why aren't you answering my question? Whatever. Wally: Success.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags interviews, trousers, emperor has no clothes, wearing pants, forget pants

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Boss: I'm looking for employees who aren't afraid to tell the emperor he has no clothes. Interviewee: Fine. You're not wearing pants. Boss: What? The one time I forget to wear pants...

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags despair, prices, social media expert, fee, pay scale, popcorn, meeting, hope left body, business

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Dilbert: I assume we pay you based on how much you increase our social media hits. Consultant: No. My fee is whatever I think you're dumb enough to pay for ambiguous outcomes. Dilbert: Either hope just left my body or the popcorn is getting chatty. Social media expert

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, office workers, unpaid intern, resort fee, work experience, zips eyeholes, leather hood

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Tina: Are you the new upaid intern? Coworker: No, but that's what I aspire to be. I'm merely an intern to another intern. And I pay a resort fee just to use the restroom. Tina: At least you get valuable work experience. Coworker: Until he zips the eyeholes on the leather hood I wear in meetings.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags all worked up, complain about attitude, escalated, low priority tasks, emergency

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Alice: Stop whatever you're doing and go research the answer to this question. Brad: I don't have time to work on low-priority tasks. Alice: Give me ten minutes to transform it into an emergency. Brad is being unhelpful. I need you to talk to his boss. Boss: Sure. Brad refuses to help Alice. Brad's Boss: Help her do what? Boss: I don't know, but obviously it's very important because it got escalated. Brad's Boss: It must be an emergency because everyone is all worked up about it. Alice: Now hum a happy tune or I'll complain about your attitude.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags absurd, assumptions, forecast, meetings, revenue forecst

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Coworker: And my revenue forecast says... Dilbert: Did you make any assumptions? Coworker: I made a lot of them. Dilbert: Then we don't believe your forecast. Coworker: Can I tell you about it anyway? Dilbert: Do whatever makes you feel less absurd.