Carol: I've been reading our bereavement policy and I found a problem. I get three days off if my husband eats nothing but unhealthy food and dies young. And I'm the one who does our grocery shopping. Boss: Sounds like a conflict of interest. Carol: I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it.
Dilbert: I reprogrammed our pointy-haired boss/ speed dial on his desk phone. Now every time he tries to use speed dial, it calls his own cellphone. It's like an intelligence test. I want to see how long it takes him to figure it our. Boss: I'd better take this. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hold on. Hold on. For the hundredth time, don't tell me to hold on! I'm telling you to hold on! Carol: Twenty minutes so far.
The Boss's Secretary
Carol: You must pass the challenge of death before I put you on the boss's calendar. Bring me the head of Willy the mail boy!!!
Dilbert: Hey, Willy, would you like to see a trick?
Carol: You only do the things I put on your schedule. And if we consider recent declines in your home's value, I make more money than you do. Boss: What's your point? Carol: It's as if you work for me now.
The Boss: As the leader of this organization it's my job to set priorities.
Carol: Heres your calendar, I booked you through next year with every yahoo who could dial your number.
The Boss: Maybe I'll call this a priority.
dilbert gets political
Dilbert: Id love to have you and whats her face come to my little dinner party.
Dilbert: I like to do a little gourmet cooking...when I'm not raising money to battle unpopular diseases.
Carol: Is it just me or are the other guest crash dummies?
Dilbert: Its just you.
Dilbert: Is Bob in his office?
Carol: Since Bob's office is all of twenty feet away, I'll have to use my psychic powers to determine the answer.
Dilbert: I could go look.
Carol: Bob hates you, He secretly wishes you'd choke on a donut.
The Boss says to his secretary who sits at her desk, "Carol, the next time you order my business cards, spell out my full title: 'Director of Product Enhancements.'" The Boss continues, "Don't use the acronym 'DOPE.'" The secretary replies, "I didn't know you were the Director of Product Enhancements."
The Boss, Carol, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're poised for success. We expect huge earnings and increased market share!" Looking at a document, the Boss says, "Next on the agenda . . . There will be no raises because it will be a difficult year . . ." The Boss says, "Carol, I thought I told you to put the 'United Way' update between those two agenda items." Carol says, "Oopsie."
The Boss approaches Carol's desk and says, "Carol, about this flight to New York that you booked for me . . ." The Boss continues, "Is it really necessary to make all these stopovers in Third-World countries that are experiencing rebel insurrections?" Carol holds up a bullseye and says, "You'd better wear the international symbol of the 'Red Cross' on your back."
