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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2012's comic on:


Tags #telephones, #reprogrammed speed dial, #cellphone, #calls himself, #intelligence test, #hold on, #failed intelligence test, #20 minutes

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Dilbert: I reprogrammed our pointy-haired boss/ speed dial on his desk phone. Now every time he tries to use speed dial, it calls his own cellphone. It's like an intelligence test. I want to see how long it takes him to figure it our. Boss: I'd better take this. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hold on. Hold on. For the hundredth time, don't tell me to hold on! I'm telling you to hold on! Carol: Twenty minutes so far.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #mail boy, #willy, #trick, #challenge, #death

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The Boss's Secretary Carol: You must pass the challenge of death before I put you on the boss's calendar. Bring me the head of Willy the mail boy!!! Dilbert: Hey, Willy, would you like to see a trick?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2012's comic on:


Tags #homes value, #make money, #schedules, #secretaries (office)

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Carol: You only do the things I put on your schedule. And if we consider recent declines in your home's value, I make more money than you do. Boss: What's your point? Carol: It's as if you work for me now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 1994's comic on:


Tags #appointment, #booked, #every yahoo, #set priorities, #calendar

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The Boss: As the leader of this organization it's my job to set priorities. Carol: Heres your calendar, I booked you through next year with every yahoo who could dial your number. The Boss: Maybe I'll call this a priority.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 1994's comic on:


Tags #crash test dummies, #dilbert gets political, #dinner party, #gourmet cooking

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dilbert gets political Dilbert: Id love to have you and whats her face come to my little dinner party. Dilbert: I like to do a little gourmet cooking...when I'm not raising money to battle unpopular diseases. Carol: Is it just me or are the other guest crash dummies? Dilbert: Its just you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 1994's comic on:


Tags #choke on donut, #psychic powers, #bob in office

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Dilbert: Is Bob in his office? Carol: Since Bob's office is all of twenty feet away, I'll have to use my psychic powers to determine the answer. Dilbert: I could go look. Carol: Bob hates you, He secretly wishes you'd choke on a donut.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 1995's comic on:


Tags #business cards, #full title, #director, #product enhancemnets, #acronym dope, #product ehancement

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The Boss says to his secretary who sits at her desk, "Carol, the next time you order my business cards, spell out my full title: 'Director of Product Enhancements.'" The Boss continues, "Don't use the acronym 'DOPE.'" The secretary replies, "I didn't know you were the Director of Product Enhancements."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 1995's comic on:


Tags #posted for success, #huge earnings, #market share, #agenda, #raises difficult year, #united way, #two agenda items, #oopsie

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The Boss, Carol, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're poised for success. We expect huge earnings and increased market share!" Looking at a document, the Boss says, "Next on the agenda . . . There will be no raises because it will be a difficult year . . ." The Boss says, "Carol, I thought I told you to put the 'United Way' update between those two agenda items." Carol says, "Oopsie."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1995's comic on:


Tags #flight to ny, #many stopovers, #third world countries, #rebel insurrections, #wear red cross symbol, #on back, #bullseye, #wants boss killed

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The Boss approaches Carol's desk and says, "Carol, about this flight to New York that you booked for me . . ." The Boss continues, "Is it really necessary to make all these stopovers in Third-World countries that are experiencing rebel insurrections?" Carol holds up a bullseye and says, "You'd better wear the international symbol of the 'Red Cross' on your back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 1993's comic on:


Tags #carol, #job, #satisfaction, #crossbow, #russell, #phone, #chat

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Carol: My job satisfaction has gone way up since I got this crossbow. Hey, Russell! Answer your own phone once in a while! Man: We need to chat. Carol: Chat this.