Analyze Data Comic Strips - Page 7

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178 Results for Analyze Data

View 61 - 70 results for analyze data comic strips. Discover the best "Analyze Data" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #data werewolves, #elbonian hackers, #entrails, #linkedin, #passwords, #servers, #supernatural beings, #usernames

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Mordac: Elbonian hackers stole a million usernames and passwords from our servers. So I send an army of data werewolves to track down the perpetrators and eat their entrails. Boss: How did you find an army of data werewolves? Mordac: LinkedIn

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #dating, #engineers, #framework, #allow construction, #large scale analytical queries, #unstructured data, #relationships

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Tina: So, what do you do for a living? Dilbert: I'm working on a framework to allow construction of large-scale analytical queries on unstructured data. Woman: I'm a little turned on by that. Dilbert: Settle down. It's just a framework.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2012's comic on:


Tags #automobile driving, #company car, #crazy, #data center, #directions, #gadgets, #gps directions, #gps navigation system

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Boss: Take a company car and meet a customer at our data center on Montgomery and Pine. Dilbert: I can't drive to an unfamiliar place with Alice. She'll spend the entire trip arguing with the GPS navigation system. Boss: No one does that. Dilbert: Allow me to demonstrate. My phone says we should take this route. Alice: What?! Is it crazy? We are not taking 880! Change your mind! Change your mind! Change your mind! Dilbert: It gets worse. Alice: If you listen to this liar, I will end you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2012's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #obstinacy, #test data, #email, #meaningless speech, #talk

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Dilbert: Can you email the test data to me? Coworker: We don't do it that way. Dilbert: That's not a reason. Coworker: I never give reasons. Dilbert: Nothing you say means anything! Coworker: That's how we've always done it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #actors & actresses, #ignorance (knowledge), #laziness, #opinions, #informed opinions, #hard data, #life is a lie

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Wally: I like to have opinions. But not informed opinions. It takes so much work to get informed that it defeats the whole point of having an opinion in the first place. Dilbert: What exactly do you think is the "point" of having an opinion? Wally: The point is that it feels good. Dilbert: That's totally nuts. Wally: Oh, is it? Unless you have hard data to back up that comment, it was nothing but an uninformed opinion. That felt good. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! You're starting to make sense! Wally: Your whole life is a lie.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #suspicion, #assemble data, #boring work, #quality over quality, #poor politics, #office politics

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Boss: I need you to assemble a huge amount of totally incomprehensible data. Make it boring so no one looks at it too closely. I'm aiming for quantity over quality. Dilbert: I have a bad feeling about this. Boss: No one would pay you to feel good.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2013's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #actionable anlytics, #big data, #new jargon, #accelrate, #business

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Boss: Do we have any actionable analytics from our big data in the cloud? Dilbert: Yes, the data shows that my productivity plunges whenever you learn new jargon. Boss: Maybe in-memory computing will accelerate your applications. Dilbert: Plunge, plunge, plunge.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2008's comic on:


Tags #crs database, #sibs data base, #wrong data

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The Boss says, "Use the CRS database to size the market." Dilbert says, "That data is wrong." The Boss says, "Then use the sibs database." Dilbert says, "That data is also wrong." The Boss says, "Can you average them?" Dilbert says, "Sure. I can multiply them too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2008's comic on:


Tags #elbonian spies, #stole lap top, #confidentail data, #virus, #destroy morale, #hope, #business plan

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Dilbert says, "Elbonian spies stole my laptop and all of our confidential data." Dilbert says, "But don't worry, because I placed a virus in there that will destroy their morale and their hope." Dilbert says, "I believe you call it your 'business plan.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2010's comic on:


Tags #test, #product, #fail, #fake, #data

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Dilbert says, "We added a new performance test, but learned that the test itself is flawed." The Boss says, "Now our product fails our own tests and our customers are asking to see the test results." Dilbert says, "Do I have permission to fake the test data?" The Boss says, "I didn't even know data can be real."