Antique Thing Comic Strips - Page 7
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Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?
Asok: My mother always told me to beware the bogeyman. Dilbert: That was bad parenting. There's no such thing as the bogeyman. Boss: I was one over par on every hole. Let me tell you all about it.
Wally: I spent all of last week planning how to get everything done this week. Boss: Add one more thing. Wally: Okay, but I'll need to replan my entire schedule. Boss: How long will that take? Wally: Until you give me the next assignment.
I.T. person: I moved our email servers to my ancestral home of Transylbonia to reduce expenses. You might have heard rumors that all Transylbonians are data vampires, but I assure you it's an exaggeration. There's this one guy, Doug..." Transylbonian: Dude! It's fiber-optic! Doug: It's really not my thing.
Dilbert: My brainwave reader invention can control the nearest computer with my thoughts. Boss: Why am I seeing a video of a blurry image that looks like you slapping another blurry thing that looks like me? Dilbert: I don't think it's fair to complain about the video quality of the beta version.
CEO: Thanks to your leadership, we collected twenty thousand bottle caps to help fund chemo for poor children. And thanks to your... whatever... we checked snopes.com and learned that the bottle cap thing was an internet hoax. I only brought one teamwork award mug, so you'll have to take turns drinking from it.
Boss: Sorry I'm late. It's because the least important thing I do is way more important than all of you put together. One way to look at it is that I'm great at setting priorities.
Catbert: Ted, have you seen the Tupac video where he performs as a hologram? We've decided to do the same thing with all of our employees. We're going to move your data to the cloud. Ted: Tupac is dead. Catbert: I think you mean economical.
Dilbert is getting dressed and Dogbert sits on the bed watching him. Dilbert holds up a cummerbund and says, "I thought I had this tuxedo thing figured out, but what the heck is this?" Dogbert replies, "Oh, that's the kumberbuzle. You wear it on your head like a sweatband." Dogbert continues, "Then you clip your pens and pencils to the kumberbuzle." Dilbert says, "Ah, that explains why the shirt has no pocket."
Dilbert looks into the washing machine and says, "I knew I shouldn't have left the laundry in the washer all night." Dogbert says, "I'll get a chisel." Dilbert takes the clothes out and says, "It seems to have coagulated into a grotesque dried-up-fiber-donut-sculpture-kind-of-a-thing." Dilbert points to the bundle and says, "I think this is a sleeve of my sport coat." Dogbert asks, "Do you want that in a size 38?"