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The Boss and Dogbert sit at a table. Dogbert shows the Boss a document and says, "Here's my final plan for the company's day care facility." Dogbert continues, "I call it free range day care. The children are allowed to roam free among the cubicles. It's very economical." Two small children stand in Wally's cubicle. The boy says, "I don't believe he's really an evil troll." The girl says, "Look at the 'Powerpoint' slides he's making. It's not human."
Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the armrest of the couch. Dogbert says, ". . . So you didn't read the software license and you inadvertently agreed to be Bill Gates' towel boy in his huge new house. When do we move?" They hear a rumbling noise and the house shakes. A machine crashes through the wall and says, "Prepare for assimilation." Dilbert says, "The house has come for me."
Dilbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "The new org chart has my name lower than yours, but it doesn't mean anything." Dilbert shows Wally the chart and says, "See? It wouldn't all fit across the page. It's just a graphical layout thing, that's all." Alice holds out her coffee mug and says, "Hey, Dil-boy, put a head on this and fetch my mail." Wally asks Dilbert, "Are you asking me to be your mentor?"
The caption says, "Flashback: Dogbert and the World's Smartest Garbage Man invent the first Web browser as a practical joke." Dogbert reads a newspaper and his ears fly up in surprise. The garbage man says, "It's out of control." Dogbert says, "I wonder what will happen to that college kid we framed." The garbage man says, "He'll be okay." The carrying a stack of money man asks, "Where would you like this bushel of money?" A college boy replies, "Stack it next to the photographers." A hairdresser combs his hair.
A man and woman see a sign on a building that says "Parent licenses." The man says, "We'd better check it out." Dogbert sits at a desk. The man asks, "Why do we need a license to become parents?" Dogbert replies, "Something had to be done." Dogbert continues, "Under the old system, all you needed to be a parent was a few body parts and a brain the size of a garbanzo bean." Dogbert reaches into the desk drawer and continues, "So I developed this written test to weed out the major bozos." The woman reads, "If a baby cries, you should: A. Feed it. B. Discipline it. C. Call it 'stupid.'" The man says, "You have to show it who's the boss." The woman reads, "If a child gets poor grades you should: A. Tutor him. B. Discipline him. C. Call him 'stupid.'" The man asks, "What does 'tutor' mean?" The woman reads, "An acceptable nickname for a child is: A. Junior B. Ugly C. Stupid." The man says, "Depends if it's a boy." The man asks Dogbert, "Well? Can we be parents?" Dogbert replies, "No. And you'll have to leave some body parts at the front desk."
Dilbert gets dressed. Ratbert stands on the edge of the bed. Ratbert says, "I've decided to be one of those guys who says whatever is on his mind." Ratbert stands silent. Dilbert is fully dressed, holding his briefcase. Ratbert sits on the edge of the bed. Dilbert says, "Still nothing?" Ratbert says, "Boy, this is a real eye-opener."
Dilbert: "Exhibit 'A' is my empty lunch bag, last seen full." "Only the people in this room had the motive and the opportunity." "Inspector Dogbert will investigate." Dogbert: "Sniff. You were in the mail room with Willy the mail boy all morning. You are innocent." "Sort of." "Sniff. I give you a 'C+' for hygiene but you did not take the lunch." "Sniff. Bologna...potato chips...carrot sticks...ha!!!" "This is the thief who took the decoy lunch...which we laced with synthetic female hormones!" Wally: "You can't prove anything!" Dogbert: "Is there something you'd like to get off your chest?"
Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally stands behind him and says, "Our new VP says he has an 'open door policy.' Let's check it out." Wally and Dilbert peer into the VP's office. Dilbert says, "Knock knock." Dilbert says, "Hi ho. Nothing important. We just wanted to drop in." The VP sits at his desk reading a document. Wally says, "This open door policy is great. Our last VP was aloof." Dilbert asks, "Are those sourballs?" Wally says, "Look at the furniture in here!" Dilbert stuffs candy into his mouth and says, "I call couch!" The VP asks, "Is there something I can do for you?" Dilbert lies on a couch and says, "Well . . . Sometimes our cubicles are too hot." Wally sits in a chair and adds, "Could you have somebody look into it?" Dilbert and Wally leave the office looking frightened. Dilbert says, "Boy, those sourballs sure lull you into a false sense of security." Wally says, "The man is like a huge insincere spider."
The Boss is on stage behind a podium and speaks to the crowd. "The theme of this engineering conference is..." Dilbert, Wally, and Alice sit in the front row. The Boss continues, "Employees are our most valuable asset." He says, "And lik emost assets, you decline in value over time." He says, "I know what you're thinking: Not all assets decline in value." He says, "For example, fine art is worth more every year." The Boss points to an image of Wally and says, "But I don't think the Louvre will be asking for one of these anytime soon." The Boss introduces Catbert and says, "On your way our, Mister Catbert will give each one of you a certificate of depreciation." Wally says, "It's still better than last year's theme, "Have you earned your air today?" Catbert hands Dilbert his award.