Barely Knew Comic Strips - Page 7

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View 61 - 70 results for barely knew comic strips. Discover the best "Barely Knew" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #meetings, #sound of voice, #unspoken rules, #noise, #perfect storm

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Coworker: I just realized I love the sound of my own voice! Ha ha! Thanks to the unspoken rules of meetings, I can enjoy the sound of myself as long as I want! Blah, blah, blah! Loud Howard: What's all that noise!? Topper: That's nothing! No one knew the perfect storm was approaching

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarrassment, #internet & world wide web, #twitter account, #inspirational tweets, #racist rants, #spelled jokes, #terrorist websites, #boss's twitter

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Boss: When I asked you to manage my Twitter account I assumed you knew I was expecting inspirational tweets. So far, all you've tweeted under my name are racist rants, misspelled jokes, and links to terrorist websites. Carol: To be fair, every one of those tweets was inspirational to someone.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #didn't read, #email, #improve communication, #long rambling email, #someone else, #meeting, #business

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The Boss: Did everyone read about how to improve our communication? Dilbert: Was it a long rambling email that stumbled from one barely coherent point to another? The Boss: That one must have been from someone else. Dilbert: Good because I didn't read it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job interview, #bed news, #upset, #hire someone, #hates boss, #set up, #cruel

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Job Interview The Boss says, "Would you tell me bad news even if you knew it would upset me?" A man says, "Yes, I would." The Boss says, "Why would I hire someone who hates me?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bored, #boredom, #death & dying, #meeting, #canary, #boring meetings, #die of boredom, #before humans, #business

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The boss: I got a canary to warn us when our meetings are too boring. Canaries die of boredom before humans so... Dilbert: I guess he knew that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #matrix management, #neo, #earbuds, #ipod, #computer, #powerpoint, #die, #scared, #technology

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Wally says, "This is where you jack into matrix management, Neo." Wally says, "Insert these iPod ear buds and fire up PowerPoint. The reality you once knew is gone." Wally says, "One more thing: If your computer dies during powerpoint, your career dies in the real world."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #report, #oil rigs, #explode, #medicine, #bacteria, #pharmaceuticals, #government, #share holder, #success, #lie

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The Boss says, "I'm happy to report that none of our oil rigs exploded." The Boss says, "Our children's pharmaceuticals are not tainted with bacteria, and the government is not investigating our financial practices." The Boss says, "All we're doing is quietly losing share-holder value." CEO says, "I knew it would feel like success if we kept at it!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coworker, #baby shower, #triplets, #gift, #cubicle, #book, #Environment, #carbon footprint

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Tina says, "We're having a baby shower for Kim on Friday." Dilbert says, "I barely know her." Tina says, "She's having triplets. Try to bring an appropriate gift for once." Kim says, "It's a? book on how to lower my carbon footprint?" Dilbert says, "You're killing us all."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee, #human resources, #Promotion, #raise, #facebook; social networks, #excited, #business

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Catbert says, "For the past six months you've done nothing but update your Facebook page." Catbert says, "Now we have an opening for a marketing manager for social networks and you're totally qualified. It's a huge raise and promotion." Man says, "Crime pays! I knew it!!!" Catbert says, "We're hoping you can lie as well as you steal."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing, #harmful, #product, #military, #injury, #excited, #violence, #business

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Marketing Man says, "How do we market a product that is known to trigger dispondency and self-mutilation?" Woman says, "So?It has a military application?" Soldier says, "I thought it was just software, but before I knew it I was stabbing myself." General says, "Get me a trillion of there."