Before Start Comic Strips - Page 7
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720 Results for Before Start
View 61 - 70 results for before start comic strips. Discover the best "Before Start" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday October 07,
2007
Tags #mandatory meeting, #health and well being, #theme of meeting, #healthy employees are unprodcutive, #exercsing, #eating fruit, #work hard and die, #feel sick, #right on schedule
Transcript
The Boss: Tomorrow is the mandatory meeting on employee health and well-being. "The meeting starts at 6 A.M. So it will interfere with your sleep and not your work." Dilbert: "Doesn't that send a message that work is more important than health?" The Boss: "I hope so. That's the theme of the meeting." "Healthy employees are unproductive." "They're always exercising or eating fruit when they should be working." "We prefer employees who work hard and die before their pensions start paying out." Dilbert: "Suddenly I feel sick." The Boss: "Right on schedule!"
Friday September 07,
2007
Tags #fired, #gross incompetence, #train, #before leaving, #coded jave app, #incompetent parts
Transcript
CarL: "Although I've been fired for gross incompetence, I'm professional enough to train you before I leave." Dilbert:"Don't bother. I already coded a Java app to do everything you do." Carl: "Everything?" Dilbert: "Except for the incompetent parts."
Monday November 26,
2007
Tags #agile programming, #cpmplain, #training, #write code, #no more planning, #no more documentation, #just start writing
Transcript
The Boss: We're going to try something called agile programming. "That means no more planning and no more documentation. Just start writing code and complaining." Wally: "I'm glad it has a name." The boos: "That was your training."
Monday December 31,
2007
Tags #hate holidays, #day before holoday, #stop working, #cheapens work, #year round, #mean spirited, #bitter worker, #hyprocrit
Transcript
Wally: I hate it when people stop working because it's the day before a holiday. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" Wally: "It cheapens the lack of work that I cultivate year-round." Asok: "I saw the funniest video clip!" Wally: "Tourist!"
Sunday January 29,
2006
Transcript
"I'll need to know your requirements before I start to design the software." "First of all, what are you trying to accomplish?" "I'm trying to make you design my software." "I mean what are you trying to accomplish with the software?" "I won't know what I can accomplish until you tell me what the software can do." "Try to get this concept through your thick skull: The software can do whatever I design it to do!" "Can you design it to tell you my requirements?"
Sunday May 09,
2004
Tags #attend meeting, #mandatory meeting, #meeting mandatory, #approval, #bending rules, #handed out cash
Transcript
"Can I talk to you after the mandatory meeting?" "Whoa! Whoa! I didn't give you approval to attend that meeting." "The meeting is mandatory." "Approval is mandatory too." "Okay, whatever." "May I go to the mandatory meeting?" "All requests must be in writing." "It's mandatory!!! Man-duh-tory!!!" "If people start bending the rules, before long, murder will be legal." "That was the finest mandatory meeting I've ever attended! They handed out cash!" "Shut up."
Sunday February 17,
2002
Tags #voluntary layoff package, #ted, #retirement money, #start a business, #kites out of waffles, #worlds largest, #edible kites, #value opinion, #option., #alice
Transcript
A coworker comes into Wally's cubicle. The coworker says, "Wally, may I ask you for advice?" Wally responds, "Huh?" The coworker says, "My name is Ted. I'm planning to take the voluntary layoff package." The coworker continues, "Then I plan to use my retirement money to start a business that makes kites out of waffles!" The coworker continues, "In five years I hope to be the world's largest maker of edible kites." The coworker asks, "So, what do you think? I value your opinion." Wally responds, "Ted, who told you that I'd be a good person to ask for an opinion on your idea?" Ted replies, "Alice said it reminded her of the quality of your... ideas." He pauses and then says, "Oh." Wally and Ted are standing hostilely in Alice's cubicle. Alice exclaims, "Alice shoots for the double!!! She scores!!!"
Sunday August 04,
2002
Tags #meeting, #start with prayer, #fear no downsizing, #fist of death, #job skills, #investment protfolio, #doing well, #higher return, #escape clowns, #stew in bile, #business
Transcript
Alice addresses a meeting, "If there are no objections, I'd like to start the meeting with a prayer." Asok starts, "I'm a...." Alice prays, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of idiots, I shall fear no downsizing." Asok starts, "But I'm..." Alice continues praying, "For I have a fist of death and highly marketable job skills." Alice continues praying, "But my investment portfolio isn't doing as well as I'd hoped." Alice continues praying, "So, if it's not too much to ask..." Alice continues praying, "I need a higher return so I can escape these clowns." Alice exclaims, "And live in splendor while they stew in their own bile!" After the prayer, The Boss responds, "Maybe we won't do this again." Alice responds, "Whatever you say, heathen."
Sunday November 17,
2002
Tags #indecion, #intense pressure, #impossible before deadline, #layers of management., #incompetence, #odor of doom, #scarce and sniff, #3d glasses
Transcript
Dilbert is giving a presentation. He says, "The original schedule looked like this..." Dilbert points to a slide and says, "One month for a management decision and one year to do the project." The Boss, Wally, and Alice listen as Dilbert continues, "The revised schedule is this..." Dilbert continues, "One year of indecision followed by intense pressure to do the impossible before the deadline." Dilbert passes a box of 3-D glasses and says, "Now if you'll each take a pair of 3-D glasses..." Dilbert continues, "You can see the layers of management incompetence practically jump out at you." Dilbert hands out cards and says, "Now scratch one of these scented cards to sniff the unmistakable odor of doom." Wally and Alice are suffering from the smell. The Boss says, "I don't smell anything. Is mine broken?"
Friday February 28,
2014
Tags #frustration, #work ethic, #drink lots of coffee, #disrespect authority, #reading my goals, #before signing, #accomplish stuff, #feels good
Transcript
Boss: For some reason, your written goals for last year were "Drink lots of coffee" and "Disrespect authority." Wally: Maybe next year your goal should be something about reading my goals before you sign them. Accomplishing stuff feels good. You should try it.