Big Seller Comic Strips - Page 7
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Dilbert stands at Carol's desk. Dilbert says, "....And one box of those big binder clips...." Carol's phone rings. Carol screams into the phone, "Timmy, unite the neighbors and do your homework." Dilbert says, "Maybe I'll come back later." Carol says, "Do NOT light that gasoline!!"
Dilbert sits at a conference table between a women and the big stubborn guy. dilbert says, "You've all been chosen for this team because of y our talent and professionalism." Dilbert says, "Except for Dan, who is a big stubborn guy who will prevent our success." Dilbert says, "Shall we commence failing?" Dan says, "I can't do work without a vision statement."
Dilbert and a woman each hold a wine glass. The woman says, "So, what do you do for a living?" Dilbert says, "I slavishly obey the insane commands of a pointy-haired baboon." The woman says, "The sad thing is that you're the best catch at this party." Dilbert says, "I work in a big box."
Extremely angry, Alice approaches the sadist who sits at his computer. She rolls up her sleeves and says, "Okay,sadist, it's time to meet the fist of death. A note from the author forewarns his readers that nothing bad or violent happens to the sadist. The author's note reads: If you are the sort of person who is influenced by comic strips, I assure you nothing bad or violent happens next. Alice and the sadist discuss their differences and become lifelong friends. As Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit together eating lunch, Dilbert asks Alice "What was in that big bag I helped you drag to the dumpster?"
Wally asks Alice, "How do you like being a manager, Alice?" Alice says to Wally, "Do me a big favor; sneak into my house tonight and smother me with a pillow." Dilbert says, "I think she was kidding." Wally says, "I'll see if she puts up a struggle."
Dilbert is working on a model. The Boss approaches. Dilbert says, "I built a working model to test my nuclear power plant design." The Boss asks, "How big will the real one be?" Dilbert responds, "About half this size. And it will cost $23 to build." The Boss replies, "I'd give you an attaboy certificate but my printer is out of paper."
"You laugh at everything, whether it's funny or not." "Ha ha ha!! It's true." "You're hired. You'll have a big impact on morale!" "Ha ha ha!! Yes, I will!" "Must stay alive." "HA HA HA!! COMPUTERS ARE FUNNY! HA HA!!"
Dilbert: "I recommend that we look at the big picture and view it from 20,000 feet." The Boss: "Drifting.. floating above the Earth.. wait.. a plane is coming right at me! NO-O-O-O!!!" Dilbert: "Maybe you should imagine you're in the plane." The Boss: "GAAAA!! I'm in coach!"
Doctor Dogbert Show Dogbert: Today we'll meet a couple who have a common problem. Big woman: I make him sleep in a gigantic hot dog bun. Dogbert: Can I see it? Man: No... please big woman: And the problem is that he snores.
The Boss brings a Big Dumb Guy to Alice's desk. He says, "Alice, I'd like you to work with this big dumb guy." The Boss continues, "He doesn't know he's dumb. So he'll tell people you're dumb if you ever disagree." The Boss: "He's also lazy and a habitual liar." Alice shouts, "Then why do you let him work here?!" The Boss explains, "He has an excellent track record. No one knows why." In front of the Boss and Alice, the Big Dumb Guy bends over and picks up the document that Alice was working on from her desk. Big Dumb Guy shows Alice's document to the Boss. Big Dumb Guy says, "Look what I just did." The Boss responds, "Excellent work." Alice is flabbergasted. The Boss tries to console Alice, who is furious, with "Remember Alice, you're never too old to learn."