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The Boss tells Dilbert and a woman, "To protect our environment, I've ordered that ink be removed from all copiers, printers and pens." The Boss continues, "Research shows that many squids can be spared by reducing our ink usage." Dilbert replies, "I don't think we get our ink from squids, sir." The Boss says, "Oh, right . . . Next you'll say we don't get our 'Elmer's' from cows."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "First on the agenda is a discussion of the company's new paper recycling program." Dilbert looks at the agenda and says, "We talked about that last time . . . Hey, this is last week's agenda." The Boss replies, "You spotted the one drawback."
Dilbert sits at his desk working on the computer. The Boss says, "Sometimes I wonder, how would MY life be different if all whales were extinct?" The Boss continues, "It's not like they do anything for us. You never hear of seeing-eye whales. They can't fetch the paper or drag you out of a burning building . . ." The Boss asks, "Don't you think the world has too many fat, worthless mammals?" Dilbert replies, "I was just thinking that, sir."
The Boss says to an employee, "Peter, you're a brilliant computer programmer and you like your job." The Boss continues, "Although you lack any social awareness and cannot communicate with your species, I decided to promote you to management." The Boss holds out a tie and says, "Don't be afraid . . . It's called a necktie." Peter shakes and cowers in his chair.
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The company is a billion dollars below its earnings projections." The Boss continues with his mouth full, "From now on, only the managers at my level or above may eat donuts at company meetings." The Boss continues, "This won't be easy for any of us. Heck, I don't even know if I can eat this many donuts."
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "In order to build team spirit I've decided you should have lunch together once a week." The Boss continues, "I won't be there myself because it would seriously cut into my free time." The Boss continues, "Besides, it's my job to motivate, not get bogged down in the details."
The Boss tells Dilbert, "We're having a department bowling night tomorrow." The Boss continues, "It's my way of rewarding all of you for your performance this quarter." Dilbert replies, "We hate doing things together at night." The Boss says, "I wasn't happy with your performance."
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "From now on, your raises will be partly dependent on an evaluation by your co-workers." Wally asks, "Hypothetically, if my co-workers got small raises then wouldn't there be more available in the budget for me?" Wally, Alice and Dilbert fall to the ground and fight. The Boss says, "That didn't last long, even by our standards."
Dilbert, Wally, Ted and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I've been saying for years that 'employees are our most valuable asset.'" The Boss continues, "It turns out that I was wrong. Money is our most valuable asset. Employees are ninth." Wally says, "I'm afraid to ask what came in eighth." The Boss replies, "Carbon paper."
Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Your engineering knowledge is good, but I can't promote you to 'prima donna.'" The Boss continues, ". . . Unless you demonstrate a few more serious personality disorders." Dilbert replies, "I can mumble." The Boss says, "Sure, but can you do it with disdain for all of humanity?"