Bugs Program Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

154 Results for Bugs Program

View 61 - 70 results for bugs program comic strips. Discover the best "Bugs Program" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #war on waste, #wear shirt, #honk, #blow nose, #program

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss picks up a T-Shirt that says "Wow" and exclaims, "Each of you will get a shirt as part of my war on waste program!" Dilbert responds, "I wouldn't wear that shirt at home or in the office, so what good is..." Wally blows his nose loudly into a shirt, "Honk!" Dilbert says, "Oh. Nevermind."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing genius, #rebate program, #process, #impenetrable fortress, #unclear instructions, #physical impossibilities, #hidden 300 digit, #serial number

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Marketing Genius. A business associate says to The Boss and Wally, "We designed a rebate program that won't cost a penny." The business associate continues, "The rebate process is an impenetrable fortress of unclear instructions and physical impossibilities. An elderly couple sits at a table reviewing bills. The man says, "Next time we have to find the hidden 300-digit serial number and write it in a box that's half an inch long." The woman replies, "Stinkin' weasels."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unspecified short comings, #co worker, #accuser, #witness protection program, #boss, #meeting, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in The Boss' office. The Boss says, "A co-worker who shall remain nameless has accused you of unspecified shortcomings." The Boss continues, "Your accuser has been placed in the witness protection program." Dilbert asks, "You have a program for that?" The Boss replies, "Actually, I just forget who says what."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coffee rehab program, #blame location, #world headquaters, #recidivism rate

View Transcript

Transcript

The speaker greets Wally, "Wally, congratulations on finishing the coffee rehab program." A cab is waiting for Wally. The speaker says, "Our recidivism rate isn't too hot. Our critics blame our location." Wally's cab is parked in front of Starbucks World Headquarters. A voice from inside the building asks, "Who's swimming in our vat?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #himan resources, #cheaper, #employee wellness program, #sick days, #incentives, #highly paid workers, #more fun

View Transcript

Transcript

"Catbert: Evil director of human resources" "I can't decide what's cheaper..." "...An employee wellness program to reduce sick days or incentivizing the older, highly paid workers to die." "Maybe you could use math to figure it out." "When I said cheaper, I meant more fun."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #suspicious, #nap, #evil director, #wellness program, #human resources, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

"Catbert: Evil director of human resources" "Have you heard about the employee wellness program?" "If you call in sick on a Monday or a Friday, your boss says, 'Well, well, well- that's very suspicious.'" "Now if you'll excuse me, I feel a nap coming on."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #try rebooting, #tech support, #clone yourself, #adoption, #notice bugs, #slapped 1.0 together, #parents

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert's Tech Support "Try rebooting yourself." "Clone yourself, put the clone up for adoption, and hope intelligence can be influenced by the environment." "Evidently your parents slapped together Version 1.0 of you and hoped no one would notice the bugs..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mapped and gapped, #consolidate, #program of work, #maximize synergy, #capture and optimize, #resource utilization, #requirements

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: "This week I mapped and gapped the requirements to consolidate everything into a program of work..." "...to maximize synergy capture and optimize our resource utilization." "If any of that sounded like work, I'll do some more of it next week."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart consults, #software has bugs, #repackaging, #rust inhibitor, #error messages, #people aren't stupid, #they are, #spit when type

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Dilbert and the Boss, "Your software product is riddled with bugs." Dogbert continues, "I recommend repackaging it as a rust inhibitor for computers." Dogbert says, "The ads will say 'you know it's working because of all the error messages'." Dilbert replies, "People aren't stupid." Dogbert answers, "According to my research they are." Dogbert shows a diagrahm of a human brain with each section labeled. The Boss replies, "I think the rust turned my exclamation upside down." Dilbert says, "That's the letter 'I'."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new philosophy, #a bias for action, #six sigma program, #iso certification

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Our new philosophy is 'a bias for action'. Dilbert: Are we eliminating our Six-Sigma program, the budget cycle, ISO certification, and our approval processes? The Boss: Can I get back to you on that? Dilbert: Sure. No rush.