Competitors Die Trying Comic Strips - Page 7
422 Results for Competitors Die Trying
View 61 - 70 results for competitors die trying comic strips. Discover the best "Competitors Die Trying" comics from Dilbert.com.
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Man says, "I don't like to say bad things about my competitors, but they're all vampires." Man says, "And not the sexy kind either. They're more the bitey kind." Man says, "Our product doesn't even work, and you're still better off buying from us." Alice says, "They said you eat babies."
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The Boss says, "Oh no. If I don't forward this e-mail to fifty friends, I'll die within a week." The Boss says, "I don't have that many friends! I need to make more friends, and fast!!!" Dilbert says, "What are you sending him now?" Wally says, "I'm upping it to sixty friends."
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Dilbert says, "Can you give me a quote by next week?" Coworker says, "Your demeanor tells me that you will never guy our product. You only want the quote as a point reference." Dilbert says, "Or maybe I'm giving you false hope because it's less awkward to end the meeting that way." Coworker says, "Die! Die! Die!"
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The Boss says, "If we work day and night, we can match our competitor's features within twelve months." Dilbert says, "Are we catching up to where they will be in a year, which is unknowable, or where they are now, which is stupid?" Wally says, "Well played." Alice says, "I got the next one."
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Dogbert says, "You competitors are faster because they have meetings where everyone has to stand up." Dogbert says, "We'll top that by having meetings where everyone does jumping jacks while I pelt them with office supplies." Asok says, "It's working!"
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Dilbert says, "Is it my imagination or is your pricing intentionally confusing?" Coworker says, "It's intentionally confusing." Coworker says, "That way you can't compare our prices to our competitors' prices." Coworker says, "Our competitors do the same thing. It's called confusopoly." Coworker says, "We all get our fair share of confused customers and we don't need to lower our prices to compete." Coworker says, "We use the profits from our anti-competitive behavior to fun innovation." Coworker says, "So don't ruin a good system by trying to understand what you're buying." Dilbert says, "That almost sounds reasonable." Coworker says, "Now spank yourself and thank me!"
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The Boss: Tomorrow is the mandatory meeting on employee health and well-being. "The meeting starts at 6 A.M. So it will interfere with your sleep and not your work." Dilbert: "Doesn't that send a message that work is more important than health?" The Boss: "I hope so. That's the theme of the meeting." "Healthy employees are unproductive." "They're always exercising or eating fruit when they should be working." "We prefer employees who work hard and die before their pensions start paying out." Dilbert: "Suddenly I feel sick." The Boss: "Right on schedule!"
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The boss: "Remember to use all of your vacation time before year end." Asok: "I'm off next week." The Boss: "What! I curse you for taking time off when we have so much work to do! DIE, DIE, DIE!!!" "Anyway, the point is that vacations help relieve your stress."
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Dogbert Consults Dogbert: "Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment." "I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data." "Then eat the wrong kinds of foods and hope you die before the earth does. The Boss: "You're making me hungry!"