Customer Service Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

320 Results for Customer Service

View 61 - 70 results for customer service comic strips. Discover the best "Customer Service" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, friend, service, questions, accidentally, borrowed, tool, lethal, trap, qualified, sea monkeys

View Transcript

Transcript

The sign over Dogbert's desk reads, "Dogbert's Find-A-Friend Service." A man says, "I'd like to find a friend." Dogbert says, "Have a seat." Dogbert says, "I need to ask a few questions, so I don't accidentally match you with somebody who's too good for you." Dogbert says, "One: When a friend doesn't return a borrowed tool, do you? a: Make sarcastic comments; b: buy a new tool; c: set a lethal trap." The man answers, "C: Set a lethal trap." Later, Dogbert reads the results of the test and says, "I'm afraid you haven't qualified for a normal friend . . . I could set you up with somebody who's new in town, but it wouldn't last." Dogbert says, "There's one option . . . Two, if you count growing sea monkeys." The man stands at Dilbert's door. Dilbert says, "Yes, I hate sea monkeys too. Who are you?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags troublesome customers, service costs, eliminated

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dogbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss points at Dogbert who is growling and says, "I've asked Dogbert to get rid of our most troublesome customers." Dogbert says, "Ten percent of your customers account for ninety percent of your service costs. They must be eliminated." Alice asks, "Is that the same group of customers who actually USE our product?" Dogbert replies, "Plus the ones who were injured unpacking it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executive summary, approval page, executives, understand, know less, aaa road service, uphill

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss hands him a document and says, "Add an executive summary to the approval page." The Boss continues, "Keep it simple. Our executives don't understand as much about technology as I do." Dilbert asks, "How could they know less than you do? You haven't figured out how to make your car go uphill." The Boss replies, "Wrong; I got AAA road service."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineer up, management support, meeting, boss ego, master at work, promised customer, full management support, sales meeting, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to the Boss, "I need your full management support in this meeting with sales." The Boss replies, "Just watch the master at work." A man says to the Boss, "I promised a customer a product that we don't make. You need to engineer-up a thousand units by early next week." The Boss asks, "Is Thursday okay?" As they walk away, the Boss says to Dilbert, "Wait until he finds out that Thursday isn't 'early next week.' Hee hee!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dogbert consulting, credibility, money, better spent consulting, downsizing, analysis, upgrade deluxe service, science

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dogbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I hired the Dogbert Consulting Company to add credibility to my decisions." Dogbert wears a sorcerer's hat. Dogbert says, "As my analysis shows, it's much better to give your money to me than to waste it on future downsizees such as yourselves." Wally asks, "What analysis? This is a page ripped out of the magazine in our lobby." Dogbert replies, "Perhaps you should upgrade to my deluxe service."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags promise the customer, build in month, timing probelm, shifting blame, engineering, spending huge bonus, blame transfer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a conference table with several people. A salesman tells them, "I had to promise the customer we could build the thing in a month even though you said it was impossible." The salesperson continues, "I'll solve the timing problem by shifting blame to engineering while spending the huge bonus I got for the sale." Dilbert says, "Your planning has improved." The man closes his eyes and says, "Beginning blame transfer now . . ." The other people at the table growl.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hearty slap, practice swings, visiting the customer, smile, less follow thorugh, aim higher, trans suddenly

View Transcript

Transcript

Kenny tells Dilbert, "When I introduce you to the customer, smile and give him a hearty slap on the back." Kenny says, "Get ready. Here he comes." Dilbert thinks, "I'd better take some practice swings." The customer lies on the ground. Kenny tells Dilbert, "Next time, less follow-through, aim higher, and if he turns around suddenly, hold off." Dilbert says, "Sorry."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags brought dilbert, competitors product, cover cost, cup of coffee, makes product special, visiting the customer, deceptive advertising

View Transcript

Transcript

Kenny and Dilbert sit at a conference table with a customer. Kenny tells the man, "I brought Dilbert to explain what makes our product special." Dilbert says, "It's exactly like our competitor's product except we charge more to cover the cost of our deceptive advertising." The man gets up and leaves the room. Dilbert says, "While you're up, could you get me a cup of coffee?" Kenny looks angry.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags no on fired, occasional beating, statistical clustering, suicides, voting the customer, buying product

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Kenny sit at a conference table. Kenny tells a customer, "No one has ever been fired for buying our product!" Dilbert adds, "That's true." Dilbert says, "There IS the occasional savage beating . . . and more than our share of suicides . . ." Kenny looks angry. Dilbert continues, "But that has 'statistical clustering' written all over it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, digital, dating, service, loser, velveeta, digitize, picture, hair, nose, tan, photoshop

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at a desk in front of a sign that says "Dogbert's Digital Dating Service." A man enters and says, "I'm a loser. Sign me up." Dogbert aims a camera at the man and says, "Say 'Velveeta.'" The man smiles. Dogbert sits at a computer and says, "Now we digitize your picture for the database." Dogbert says, "I could add some digital hair." The man replies, "Good idea." Dogbert says, "Maybe I should bob your nose and give you a tan." The man says, "That's fair." Dogbert asks, "Whiten teeth? Smooth wrinkles? Hide stomach? Thicken lips?" The man replies, "Yes" to all of his questions. The man looks at the final photo and says, "I look like Sandra Bernhard." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, but you have to admit it improves your odds."