Defected Worker Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

171 Results for Defected Worker

View 61 - 70 results for defected worker comic strips. Discover the best "Defected Worker" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 1995's comic on:


Tags #finish program, #fast, #train him, #prodcutive, #big glowing thing

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk and turns around as the Boss enters. The Boss says, "We need to finish your program twice as fast, so I'm adding a person to help you." The Boss says as he leaves Dilbert's cubicle, "You might need to train him a little before he's productive." Dilbert waves his arms as he thinks, "Warning! Warning! Dr. Smith." Dilbert sits at his desk with the new co-worker, a small man with big ears and a disheveled shirt collar. Pointing at the monitor, he asks Dilbert, "Tell me again what the big glowing thing is."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1995's comic on:


Tags #thought leaders, #whats worng, #no thoughts, #cloud, #no ideas, #blank head bos

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally, Alice, the Boss and another worker sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "From now on, the managers at my level will be called 'thought leaders.'" Dilbert and Wally stare at him in amazement. Dilbert asks Wally, "What's wrong with this picture?" The Boss's thoughts are shown to be empty.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 1995's comic on:


Tags #ergonomic key board, #big q, #porgram, #quality, #tletter q, #whiny customers

View Transcript

Transcript

A co-worker shows Dilbert and Wally a keyboard. The co-worker says, "This ergonomic keyboard is our fist product developed under the 'Big Q' program." The man continues, "The 'Q' stands for quality." Dilbert says, "Speaking of Q . . . it's missing the letter Q." The man says angrily, "You sound just like our whiny customers." Dilbert says, I guess the 'Q' stands for 'uality.'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 1995's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #temp worker, #really testing self worth, #compensate list of talents, #walks past, #ignore i eat rubber, #i carry disease, #i enjoy opera

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert is in his box. He thinks, "This is really testing my sense of self-worth." Ratbert continues thinking, "I will compensate by shouting a list of my talents to anybody who walks past." Dilbert is standing next to Wally. Dilbert says, "Ignore him. He's trying to trick us into making eye contact." Out of view, Ratbert shouts, "I eat rubber! I carry disease! I enjoy opera!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 1995's comic on:


Tags #ratbert the temo worker, #demand respect, #eye contact, #peripheral vision

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert shouts from inside his box, "I'm only a temp, but I demand respect!!" Ratbert continues, "Okay, maybe that's too much to ask. But I demand that somebody make eye contact with me!!" The Boss comes by. He looks at Ratbert and says, "How's this?" Ratbert, who has grabbed hold of the Boss's tie, shouts, "That's peripheral vision!!!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 1995's comic on:


Tags #redundant projects, #big binder, #seems useful, #useless binders, #build my addition

View Transcript

Transcript

A co-worker says to Dilbert, "Three other people asked for that same information. You must be on redundant projects." The man hands Dilbert a binder and says, "Here's a big binder which at first glance seems useful, but you'll realize later it's not." The man says, "I've got a few more useless binders. Do you want 'em?" Dilbert says, "Sure. I'm using them to build an addition to my cubicle."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 1995's comic on:


Tags #saint dogbert, #land of cubicles, #demons, #computer guru, #data base concepts, #monster, #dispatched, #actual code

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Saint Dogbert enters the Land of Cubicles searching for the demons of stupidity." Dogbert walks down the hall wearing a bishop's miter and holding a scepter. The caption says, "Suddenly he finds an over-promoted computer guru spouting useless database concepts." A man sits at a conference table with two glassy-eyed co-workers. The man says, "You'd be fools to ignore the boolean anti-binary least-square approach." The caption says, "The monster is dispatched to the dark world by the sight of its most feared object." Dogbert stands on the conference table holding a document in front of the man. Dogbert says, "Look! Actual code!" The man's head melts into his shirt and a co-worker says, "Cool!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #ugly, #people, #convention, #town, #cruel, #male, #bonding, #fertilizer, #face, #first, #time, #bruce, #dates, #wife, #children, #poker, #nights

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in the hall talking to a co-worker. Another man walks up and says, "It looks like the ugly people's convention is in town." The man asks, "How are you two cow pies doing? Huh?" Dilbert asks, "Why are you always so cruel, Brad?" Brad replies, "It's not cruel! This is male bonding, you fertilizer face!" Brad continues, "Try it; it'll make you feel like a man for the first time!" Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Okay, did you know that Bruce dates your wife on your poker nights?" Brad and Bruce look shocked. Brad and Bruce fight each other. Dilbert adds, "And your children are funny looking - especially Becky." Dilbert walks away thinking, "He's right. That felt good."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 1996's comic on:


Tags #alternatives, #analysis, #coworker not boss, #information, #urgent need, #analysis of alternatives, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

A man enters Dilbert's cubicle, hands him a document and says, "I need this information today. Plus a complete analysis of the alternatives." Dilbert crinkles the paper and stuffs it in the wastebasket. The man says, "That wasn't nice." Dilbert responds, "In today's lesson, you learn that you're my co-worker, not my boss."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 1997's comic on:


Tags #business like christianity, #faithful and obidient, #obtain bliss, #afterlife, #reincarnation model, #higher level employment, #bio degrade, #become wd40, #dinosuar

View Transcript

Transcript

Bob the Dinosaur and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dogbert says, "Businesses used to be like Christianity; if you were faithful and obedient, you could obtain bliss in the afterlife of retirement." Dogbert continues, "Now it's more of a reincarnation model. If the worker learns enough in his current job, he can progress to a higher level of employment elsewhere." Dogbert continues, "These analogies aren't working for you, are they, Bob?" Bob replies, "My hope is that one day I will biodegrade and become 'WD-40' oil."