Defective Products Comic Strips - Page 7

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164 Results for Defective Products

View 61 - 70 results for defective products comic strips. Discover the best "Defective Products" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avarice, #executives, #products decline, #amrketing, #improving, #huge raises, #money

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Boss: Our products are getting worse every day. But our marketing keeps improving. We're very close to the point where our customers will give us money for no reason. Then we can give ourselves huge raises and do no work at all. CEO: I like everything you said, except the "we" part.

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #burglars & robbers, #deception, #discrimination, #defective ones, #ski mask, #reading people

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Dilbert: Do you know who keeps raking my good cables and replacing them with defective ones? Alice: Certainly not me. But I did see an Elbonian wearing a hoodie near your bench. Dilbert: I'm not good at reading people. Alice: I'm counting on that.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business people, #work ethic, #new line, #products, #business plan, #good track record, #useful, #accurate, #make up numbers

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Boss: I need you to write a business plan for our new line of products. Dilbert: Is that because business plans have a good track record of being useful and accurate? Boss: No, it's nothing like that. Dilbert: Good, because I plan to make up all of the numbers.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #mergers & acquisitions, #worry, #short poition, #cartoon cat, #bloom county, #Comic Strip, #mantra, #bill ackman, #stocks, #defective people

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Dilbert: Bill Ackman just took a huge short position in our stock. Boss: I"m not worried about a cartoon cat from an old "Bloom County" comic strip. Dilbert: Maybe I care too much. Wally: That is the mantra of all defective people.

Old Strategy

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Old Strategy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #meeting, #business, #strategy, #products, #sell, #fair, #price, #new

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boss in meeting: our new strategy is to make great products and sell them at a fair price. dilbert: what was our old strategy? boss: i'd rather not say.

Genius Marketing

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Genius Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #products, #sales, #team, #shoddy, #incompetent, #marketing, #genius, #correct, #blush

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dogbert: your products are shoddy, and your sales teams are incompetent. but there is a theoretical amount of marketing genius that can fix all of that. boss: are you that genius? dogbert: please. you're making me blush.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appeal, #bad person, #business ethics, #comparison shopping, #guilt, #molt, #prevents competitors, #raising prices

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Dilbert: Our products only appeal to people who aren't good at comparison shopping. But I justify it because our existence prevents competitors from raising prices. Am I a bad person? Dogbert: I molt a little bit every time you talk.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #business

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The Boss says, "I hired a consultant to help us evolve our products to cloud computing." Dogbert says, "Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud." The Boss says, "It's as if your'e a technologist and a philosopher all in one!" Dogbert says, "blah blah platform."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deterioration, #recessions, #20%, #competitive, #industry, #involve crime

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Boss: Our goal is to grow the top line by 20%. Dilbert: How will we do that with products that aren't competitive in an industry that isn't growing? Wally: Does it involve crime? Dilbert: If it does, blink once.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #frustration, #matrix comparing features, #skin in game, #bang head, #cause extra work, #value of time, #ninja economics

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Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!