Developing Strategy Comic Strips - Page 7
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193 Results for Developing Strategy
View 61 - 70 results for developing strategy comic strips. Discover the best "Developing Strategy" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday April 27,
2014
Tags #business ethics, #deception, #new business strategy, #laptop, #coffee shop, #public access, #wifi, #hackers, #strategy document, #sell secrets, #competitors, #business strategy, #break in
Transcript
Dilbert: Wally, I want you to create a new business strategy for the company. Then use your laptop in a coffee shop that has public access to wi-fi. Hackers will get into your computer in minutes and steal your strategy document. With any luck, the hackers will sell those secrets to our competitors. Obviously, we would never use any strategy you created, so our competitors will be misled. Wally: So... you want me to do a bad job on an assignment and then go drink coffee? Boss: Can you handle that? Wally: I like my odds. Dilbert: Why do you want a copy of our business strategy? Wally: It'll save a step.
Monday March 31,
2014
Tags #analogies, #conversation, #language, #operational, #puppet ate dictionary, #operationalize strategy
Transcript
Boss: What can I do to help you operationalize our strategy? Dilbert: You could stop talking like a puppet that ate a dictionary. Boss: I don't know how analogies work. Dilbert: I'm counting on that.
Monday July 07,
2014
Tags #computers & peripherals, #frustration, #inventions, #no sense, #standard turing test, #upset, #company strategy
Transcript
Dilbert: My software can't pass a standard Turing test yet, but it does pass the pointy-haired boss test. Computer, I have a question about our company strategy. Computer: Try working smarter. Dilbert: That doesn't even make sense! CEO: I wasn't prepared to like it, but you won me over.
Wednesday August 06,
2014
Tags #create itself, #execute, #executives, #obliviousness, #strategy, #succeed, #meeting, #emplyees, #discussion, #business
Transcript
CEO: We can only succeed if we execute. Wally: How is that different from saying we can only succeed if we succeed. CEO: There's also the strategy. Wally: Does the strategy create itself?
Sunday September 07,
2014
Tags #assumption, #business ethics, #buy prodcuts, #corporate strategy, #corporation, #customer centric, #etiquette & ethics, #evil, #executives, #ideas, #marketing campaign, #monopoly, #needs, #needs of customers, #psychological manipulation
Transcript
CEO: I welcome any input on our corporate strategy. Dilbert: I think we need to be more customer-centric. CEO: You mean raise our prices? Dilbert: I mean focus on the needs of our customers. CEO: You mean we should be a monopoly so they need us? Dilbert: Um, no. We should find out what they need and then give it to them. CEO: They need to buy our products. Dilbert: They probably don't. CEO: So you're saying our marketing campaign should use psychological manipulation to make people think they need our products. You finally had a good idea. Dilbert: I'm going to stop talking now.
Saturday May 09,
2015
Dilbert Fixes Boss's Technology Strategy
Tags #verbiage, #technical, #jargon, #deception, #logic, #team player, #babble
Transcript
Dilbert: fixed your technology strategy. I couldn't make it sound logical, so I buried the stupid parts under seven layers of technical babble. Add an irrelevant graph and no one will be the wiser... literally. Boss: Please stop being a team player.
Tuesday June 23,
2015
Checking On Assumptions
Tags #criticism, #insult, #strategy, #managers, #underling
Transcript
Dilbert: I researched the assumptions behind your strategy and discovered they are unfounded. So I guess that means you will be changing your strategy. Alice: Did it make a difference? Dilbert: Yes, in the sense that he hates me more.
Sunday September 27,
2015
Tags #illusion, #strategy, #business, #executives, #bluff, #bluffing
Transcript
CEO: Revenue is dropping, but don't panic. We have a new strategy that will fix everything. Dilbert: How do you know it's a good strategy. CEO: I can tell by looking at it. Dilbert: Why don't all failing companies create great new strategies and become profitable? CEO: Hmmm. Good question. Dilbert: Maybe it's because no one can tell a good strategy from a bad one, but acting like you know the difference gets you a bigger paycheck. CEO: I just need buy-in for the strategy. Wally: If you give me a raise, I can pretend to know it's good.
Friday July 21,
2017
Make It Hard To Uninstall
Tags #customer service, #business strategy, #sales, #deception, #business
Transcript
Boss: Don't focus so much on making the software do what our customers want it to do. Just make it hard for users to uninstall it. Dilbert: Why would they buy it in the first place? Boss: A big part of our strategy involves lying.
Tuesday November 20,
2018
Boss Email Password
Tags #business, #competition, #email, #obliviousness, #security, #strategy
Transcript
Boss: We need to find out who leaked our strategy to our competition. Alice: Is your email password still 123? Boss: Stop changing the subject.