Eighty Hour Week Comic Strips - Page 7
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The boss and others are listening to Dogbert who plays the role of a teacher in front of a classroom. Dogbert says: "Welcome to the Dogbert one-hour executive MBA course." Dogbert says while wagging it's tail: "Notice that I took your money and I'm giving you almost nothing in return." Dogbert says: "That was a case study." "We have time for one more."
Dogbert stands with his back to a blackboard where the following is written: "Be Boring, $=Good, Remember to embezzle!" Dogbert says while holding the pointer in his hand: "This concludes your one-hour executive MBA course." Dogbert points out to a printer with his pointer and says: "On your way out, pick up a diploma from the laser printer and fill in your name." Dogbert says: "Remember, your degree can be prestigious if none of you ever discuss what happened here."
Dilbert leans his head in the Boss's office and says, "I'm going to do some personal business during my lunch hour." Dilbert continues, "Normally I would work through lunch." Dilbert says, "But this will take a full hour." Dilbert turns to leave and says, "It would only take two minutes if I used the Internet." Dilbert turns back towards the Boss and wags his finger, saying, "But the internet is for business use only!" The Boss stares as Dilbert says, "Our company has a limited number of zeroes and ones." Dilbert holds out his arms and says, "When they're gone, they're gone. Furthermore..." Wally looks at Dilbert and asks, "You mocked him for a full hour?" Dilbert says, "Now it's time to eat."
Alice says to Dilbert as they walk, "I'd quit this job, but next year I'll get an extra week of vacation." Dilbert replies, "If you get an extra week for every ten years of services..." Dilbert continues, "...you'll be happy in 480 years. Good plan." Alice replies, not humored "Shut up."
The sadist approaches Dilbert handing him a piece of paper and says, "You're invited to my four-hour meeting." As Dilbert reads the paper, the sadist says "There's no agenda. It's just supposed to hurt. Dilbert asks, "Any donuts?" The sadist replies, "Yes, but I'll drop one on the floor and hide it with the others. Dilbert then says, "I like those odds."
There are several papers on a table. The Boss says to Dilbert, "We can't show these numbers to our VP. They make us look like losers." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Find something we're doing well and give him those numbers instead." Dilbert, wearing dark glasses and a false moustache, looks on as the VP reads the report and says, "Wow! Our internal subterfuge is up eighty percent!"
The Boss, Wally, and Dilbert are sitting at a conference table. Wally says to The Boss, "I'm pleased to report that I had no problems this week." Wally continues, "I only had issues, opportunities, challenges, and valuable learning experiences." The Boss replies, "Did you do any work?" Wally responds, "It didn't seem necessary."
Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert says in front of the camera, "...Everyone should buy stock in that company. Sell your house if necessary." A man replies into the camera, "Should we worry that the P/E is 900, your track record is terrible and you only recommend stocks you own?" The Boss is sitting in his office watching TV. Dogbert's voice is heard through the TV, "Well, Ron, as you can see from the one-week chart, this stock only goes up." The Boss says into the phone, "Buy! Buy!"
Asok asks The Boss, "May I have a day off to move my home?" The Boss says, "One hour." Asok replies, "What? Why only one hour?" The Boss says, "I like to negotiate." Asok says, "I guess I can try doing it in one hour." The Boss adds, "And you can't use a vehicle."
The Boss, Wally, and Dilbert are in a meeting. Wally says, "My accomplishments for the week include scheduling a meeting." Wally continues, "But some people were using the conference room so we milled around for a while and gave up." The Boss responds, "You could have used another room." Wally replies, "What part of 'gave up' is confusing you?"